Praying

My long time friend (she was my best one for the bigger part of my adult life) died from cancer a year ago yesterday. I'm praying for her family, especially her husband who is now a widow at my age'ish.

A friend of mine lost her grandmother recently and is heartbroken. I pray for her and her entire family who lost a matriarch. 

A relative of mine owns a small business in this economy and would like to eat a square meal.  I'm praying for financial relief.... in some form or another.

My cousin just found out she has an aggressive brain cancer.  I'm praying for her, her family (including 3 kids), and myself, selfishly.

Another relative of mine is under the pressure of owning three homes - living in one money pit and in and out of renting away the other two money pits. I pray for the economy, for this relative's wisdom to know when/how to make financial decisions that will impact the rest of their life (financially anyway), and for the renters/buyers in the area.

A very good friend of mine is under the pressure of paying two mortgages after having to re-gain possession of their (old) house due to a rent-to-own deal gone bad. I pray for the family financially and for the market to turn around quickly.

A long time friend of mine has been unemployed for almost a year. I pray for him to regain hope, to find his passion and to be offered a position quickly.

Another great friend of mine is dealing with the pressures and emotions of divorce and separation.  I pray for her to find peace.  

One of my sweet under-5-years-old friends is helping his/her mom feel respected, loved, appreciated, and important as a single mother... especially when life gets in the way.  I pray for the child and the mother.

One of the people in my life who I highly respect and admire is due for another CT scan soon - to find out if the cancer has returned.  Whether it has or not, cancer has taken the life out of this friend. I pray.  

One of my friends just had surgery today to remove a tumor.  It's benign, but still scary.  And because of this surgery, the possibility of having more children has been taken away.  I pray for the whole family and for my friend's broken heart.

One of my newest friends just lost her job on Friday.  I don't know why/how, but I do know that it brings tears to his/her eyes to talk about it.  I pray for the family and for a new job.

...

I'm sure there are others I specifically should be praying for.  There are abundant blessings to be thankful for and I'm praising God for those things as well... 

Let's get personal

I've lost 10 lbs.  Since when ...  well, I am not sure when it started, but I can tell you that I made up my mind to lose weight and I was serious about it.  And, it wasn't some "New Years Resolution" or something - it was just a choice I made one day.

One of the things I bought with my birthday money was a scale. The last scale I ever owned got put on the curb on trash day when I was about 30 weeks pregnant with our first kiddo. I was having a bad day that day. I decided then that I would never again care about my weight - even after the baby - and that as long as I was happy, the number on the scale didn't matter one bit.

Maybe that's why I'm still a good amount of lbs over my pre-weight pregnancy and my last kiddo was born 3 and a half years ago.

Anyway, the scale and I are friends. I really love it, actually.  I'm making progress that matters to me.  It tells me good morning and good night every day. And, while weighing myself twice daily might seem obsessive to you, it actually gives me tons of motivating comfort.  It's been a shock to me to see the same(ish) number at the end of the day that I saw at the beginning of the day.  It's as if the whole day wasn't really just pretend, that I really did weigh that amount for a full working day. omgosh, so cool.

So, my goal is 40 pounds total. 10 of those are already gone. Evicted. Banished. Gone forever. Sianara, Hasta La Vista. Bye bye baby. Gone.  History. Outta here. DONE.

Yup.

and now I've just shared personal, intimate details with the whole entire blogoverse.  And how are you today?

My own little world

My Own Little World by Matthew West (The Story Behind The Song) from emicmg on Vimeo.


I love this song! 


By the end of this year, I hope to work in a soup kitchen downtown.  I also hope to buy groceries for someone else in line with me at the store. I'm also going to keep on keepin' on with the BBF.

Tis' the season of giving!

Relationships

Relationships are a huge theme in my everyday life lately and I find myself struggling to keep up with my own thoughts. I am thinking about human emotions and the human mind too much, and it's spinning me in circles. But this kind of purposeful reflection is healthy, in my opinion, and that's why I feel the need to write about it.

Jesus spells out friendship clearly in John 15

¹²My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. ¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 

We are made to have relationships, to build relationships, to work to keep relationships and to learn from relationships. But, as this scripture says, it's not just about having and maintaining a friendship that is relevant to His kingdom, but also the effort, commitment, dedication, loyalty, and true love that goes into a friendship. Jesus died on the cross because of His friendship with me. I must not forget this.  As relationships and friendships in my life evolve, grow, or (quite unfortunately) fade, I must remember to love first and foremost, as my Father loves me.


I've also been reflecting on Galatians 6:9-10 that says, "So let's not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don't give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith."

I will strive to grow and learn from the friendships and relationships in my life, and at the same time, I will know that every joy, struggle, pain, or celebration that comes from that is a part of His work. It's not my doing. Relationship making, building and breaking is far too complex for my feeble mind, and I must be okay with this. This, for certain, is a growing pain for me - I need to remember that I'm not in control and that I should rejoice that the Lord is my provider. Therefore, there's no reason to give up - no good reason to quit doing good deeds, and at the same time I can be at peace with knowing that my faith in God alone will comfort me when there's an emotional shift in my world socially.


Romans 5:7-8 drives my point home. "Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." 

How blessed are we that we are not made to be alone.

100 blessings in my life

In no particular order, 100 blessings that are in my life:

1. my children
2. my husband
3. my father and his wife
4. my relatively new relationship with my brother
5. my grandmother is still alive and well
6. my husband's entire family
7. my dog
8. living in this small town in KS
9. the Foth family
10. the Sanders family
11. the Dehn family
12. fall weather
13. beautiful house
14. full closet
15. full pantry
16. working husband
17. memories of summer vacation
18. getting off work early on a (random) friday
19. our big fish in our big fish tank
20. the van in our garage
21. the vehicle in the driveway
22. the bikes in the garage
23. my strong body that can walk, run, move
24. my laptop
25. iTunes, CDs, music in general
26. my fancy cell phone
27. allergy medicine
28. books in the house
29. the local library
30. parks in this town
31. fuzzy warm socks
32. my neighbors
33. the BBF volunteers
34. sponsors
35. businesses that contribute paper, ink, printing to the BBF
36. USD 231
37. Preschool teacher from last year
38. Kindergarten teacher from this year
39. Sunday school teachers
40. having multiple bibles in our household
41. Julia excited about having her own bible
42. warm showers
43. people at church
44. small group
45. sweet treats
46. soldiers who fight for my freedom
47. antibiotics
48. easy crafts
49. board games with friends
50. potluck lunches after church
51. my comfy bed
52. clean sheets
53. reading to my kids
54. taking the dog for walks while husby puts the kids to bed
55. the smell of my kids' shampoo after a bath
56. referrals from clients
57. handwritten letters/notes
58. child-made bookmarks
59. conversations at Chick-fil-A (among adults, while my kids are having a great time playing)
60. fish filters so I don't have to clean the tank every week
61. toilet cleaners that are flushable
62. yankee candles
63. pre-planned menus for the month (or even week!)
64. successful BBF fundraisers
65. chemo and other drugs that make people better
66. pain medicine
67. oxygen
68. water
69. in-laws that spend time with my kids
70. my neighbors who love me and look out ofr me
71. good tv shows
72. General health and well being
73. Companies like Austins, Schwans, and Chick-fil-A who believe in the BBF
74. my Pastor and his entire family
75. Other pastors in the area, and the relationship I've built with some of them
76. Matthew West, his music, and his example
77. Pictures kids draw for me while they are away (they are thinking of me when I'm not there?!)
78. weekends
79. DVD player in the van
80. family in another state (excuse to travel!)
81. family in another state (time away makes the heart grow tender sometimes)
82. 5K runs and friends that run them, thus motivating me
83. diapers, toilet paper, napkins, and other hygiene luxuries
84. Sun, Rain, Clouds, Snow, Wind - the Seasons nature creates
85. DeeJo Miller
86. Brent and Sarah Bays and their boys
87. the ACS RFL events/opportunities/experiences
88. pooper scoopers with long handles :)
89. neighbor/friends that walk my J to/from school safely every day
90. Children's church volunteers & leaders that love on my kids on Sunday mornings while I attend service
91. new pants that fit right
92. my new laptop battery that husby got for me without me even asking him to
93. official business cards that were designed/ordered/paid for/delivered by someone from church for the BBF (I didn't even ask her to do this!)
94. online sermons
95. margaritas with girlfriends
96. margaritas and movies or wii games with husby on weekends (a rare treat, but a treat indeed!)
97. chips & salsa
98. Conversations about God with my daddy
99. texts on Thursdays from my Auntie (S.H.I.T. = So Happy Its Thursday)
100. large children's movie collection

This list took me almost a week to complete.  About 1/3 of the way through it, I came down with bronchitis (and possibly pneumonia as well).  Still, the blessings are abundant. I could have kept going....  I'm incredibly blessed and I hope to take for granted as FEW of my blessings as possible!  I thank God for those blessings I am able to take for granted!!

Matthew West - Story of your Life tour

Tonight's concert was awesome! Jonny Diaz opened, what a hoot!  I didn't know he was as much a comedian as a musician.... Then, Josh Wilson took the stage, with an awesome & rockin' Amazing Grace. ...But, I've been looking forward to hearing Matthew West live ever since I saw him do an acoustic performance at a church in Colorado.

This concert was no joke! It was filled with inspiration and humbling stories. I love LOVE the song on the "Story of my Life" album that is called "Family Tree." That song was, I am sure, written just for me.  I knew this before going in there, but it's even more fun hearing it performed live. :)

The concert was a family event for us - we decided to bring the girls along since the artists are all very family friendly.  The girls had a great time, despite how tired and worn out they both were.  Julia was caught dancing to a few of Matthew's first songs in the setlist.  It's something awesome to see my six year old rockin out to music that was made for the Lord

I really feel like Matthew West connects with his fans. He's very gifted, and he knows it - but instead of letting that go to his head or taking for granted his success, he loves on his fans.  He's known to "RT" (re-tweet) his fans daily, he's active on facebook and he blogs frequently. What's more, a brief 10 second conversation with him is comfortable and easy...  he sat back smiling and with a little giggle he told me, "I just love meeting people!"

Rich, by the way, didn't get to shake the hands of Matthew West, Josh Wilson, or Jonny Diaz because he was loving on our kids while I was stalking the merch table - I waited by the table for autographs so that I could be first in line.  This, I think, was a very smart move.  Also incredibly dorky, but that's okay. :) :)  I have the sweetest husby ever for taking one for the team and letting me sneak out early for this purpose.  He's just as big a fan as I am, but I'm the one that walked away with a new t-shirt, an autographed book and a picture with the headliner.

Here's a few pix from the night. The camera isn't the best and we were sitting up in the balcony, but the memories are captured!

I didn't realize until we got home that Jonny Diaz and Josh Wilson signed on the page that says I love you More. Matthew's signature is on the left - he also wrote my name in the little box, yay!

My favorite picture, of course, is the one of Mr. Matthew West and myself.  I would have liked a picture with Josh Wilson as well, but it was crowded and hot and I was satisfied with having shook his hand. :)

Listening

Tonight, I was presented an opportunity.


It's the only night of this week that I have free from any and all obligations.  The only night I could really relax with my girls and enjoy the spoils of our new TV.  Tonight is a night I could catch up on laundry, rest so I can kick this stupid cold, and spend some serious QT with my girls without distractions.

But, today I was received grave news concerning a friend of mine who had been admitted to the hospital possibly facing some of his last days here, if I may be so bold as to say so.

I have a cold, I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I'm super lazy these days - which means that the half container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream is screaming my name from the freezer while the lineup of trashy reality shows I want to watch through Netflix are teasing me from the high def tv screen.  I have a million excuses not to go.

• I don't want to spread my sicky germs (by the way - my cold has moved into my sinuses, and now only my chest is affected. No more sneezing, drippy eyes/nose, messy germ showers - thank GOD)
• I don't want to take the girls to a hospital.
• I don't want to leave my kids with a babysitter.
• It's bath night and I have to fix dinner.
• Julia has homework and Survivor is on tonight.
• I've never been to that hospital -- I don't know how to get there
• It's kind of far away
• He's been sick for a long time - why should I go now, when I haven't really been there to visit him when he was admitted in the past
• There will be other people visiting him, I don't want to be a burden
• Hospital visiting hours is for family - of which I am not
• I should let his family deal with this - they don't need me
• I don't have anything to take. Flowers? Sweet treats? A card, at least? Nothing.
• What would I say? How would I act?
• the list goes on and on and on

too many excuses not to go.


And yet, I felt the nudge. I felt the comforting guidance of my Creator urging me to go visit him in the hospital tonight.  And things were falling into place:

• a client and good friend of mine offered to take the girls
• and she was even able/willing to feed them supper
• the kids were in very good moods and being very agreeable (a rarity these days for both to be in such spirits at the same time!)
• God was whispering loudly

So, I went.
I took the kids to a house they've never been to and left them with adults that have never been fully charged for their well being before. I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked this friend to feed my children.  I found the hospital on the internet and punched in the address to my GPS app on my phone and I went.


What a powerful night it has been.

When I arrived, my friend the patient was taking a shower, so I sat with his wife and chatted.  She was glad I was there. She wasn't alone. And, it just so happened that I showed up right about the time the doctors were going to give the family the results of today's body scan to see if there was cancer in some of his vital organs. (It wouldn't have been a surprise - he fought & survived two different affected areas of his body already - this has been the reason for his illnesses anyway.)  As doctors conferred with one another about the scan images/results, the family waited in the waiting room - anxiously wondering "Could it be? again?? What if it is?" and I was there to provide buffer under the hard, cold lights of the sanitized halls.

Someone else showed up, as well. A pastor I had never met before but always heard great things about. We had a chance to talk - to get to know each other in a way. My new friend and I had so much in common - we were both here for the same reason, and yet neither of us felt the need to verbalize our reasoning. We just knew. We shared the same air in that waiting room.

Finally, the doctors came and whisked the family away. All of them - my friends; a mother, a father, and two boys. The doctors insisted that they go over "results" in a nearby consultation room.  My heart sank and my new friend and I exchanged meaningful expressions of fear, sympathy, and just.... camaraderie.



Clear.


The results show that the area they scanned today are clear of any signs of cancer.  This is good!  But, yet - my friend still suffers. He's dying. And they can't blame it directly on cancer right now. Sure, they can blame it on "the results of his cancers" but not on a new cancer diagnosis.

Still - I was there.
With that family.

Against all the odds.

And it feels really good to have answered the call to go.  I'm proud of myself for answering and obeying.
I ignored the lies that were my dumb excuses, and I went.  I'm so glad I did. I hope I can do it again tomorrow.

Bucket List

Shamlessly stolen from one of the various blogs I creep upon while working surfing the net.  100 Things I would like to do before I kick the bucket:
 (in no particular order)

1. Publish a children's book.
2. Go to the taping of a funny sitcom in NY or CA
3. Watch the launch of a spacecraft
4. Sing karaoke in a public place without a care
5. Canoe or Kayak somewhere (anywhere?)
6. Take a hot air balloon ride
7. Ride in a helicopter
8. Snorkle in the ocean
9. Tour New York City
10. Be a missionary in an underdeveloped country
11. Go parasailing in Hawaii
12. Run a 10K
13. Walk (or run?) a marathon
14. Learn American Sign Language
15. Go on a cruise
16. Teach Kindergarten
17. Pay off the house
18. Manage a healthy weight under xxx pounds. (nonofyourbusiness)
19. Try a new fruit or veggie every day for one month.
20. Start a non-profit organization for a good cause.
21. Have/Make a friend that will sit with me on the front porch when I'm really old and senile.
22. Swim with dolphins
23. Learn to draw
24. Finish a scrapbook
25. Print pictures of the kids/events/milestones/vacations and file them chronologically
26. Help the BBF raise a million dollars (or more!) to give away
27. Own a preschool business (in a commercial building, not in my home, hehe!)
28. Ride a ferry
29. See a blimp up close
30. See Stonehedge
31. Renew marriage vows in Tahoe (maybe for 50th?)
32. Sleep by campfire without a tent/shelter (maybe on a hammock!?)
33. Place first, second or even third in a 5K
34. Memorize the books of the bible in order
35. Attend a Jewish wedding
36. Be a guest at a traditional Jewish Hannukah dinner on Passover
37. Provide respite care for a cancer patient or family member
38. Volunteer at a high school consistently
39. Design a state of the art playpark in a low income neighborhood
40. Revisit the area of San Isabel National Forest, where we got lost in the woods in August 2000.
41. Visit Bishop's Castle with my dad
42. Go sledding with the family in a secluded, perfect area
43. Make a quilt
44. Make a better quilt
45. Archive the lyrics to all the children's songs I know
46. Perform in a skit for a church/cause
47. Go to an opera
48. Go to a broadway play on Broadway
49. See the bar from Cheers on display in Los Angeles.
50. Take the kids ice skating on a lake
51. Have a garden on my property
52. Grow all my own veggies (cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, etc.)
53. Hike up Pikes Peak
54. Ride a train to (or from?) a vacation destination
55. Leave a $100+ tip at a diner/restaurant
56. Pay someone eles's mortgage for a year
57. Help build a house for habitat for humanity
58. Provide Christmas for a family in need (dinner, presents, clothes, a ride to church)
59. Teach a parenting class
60. Volunteer in a hospital (oncology if needed)
61. Have coffee/lunch with Matthew West
62. Spend 24 hours in pajamas as an adult and not care :)
63. Write an inspirational song
64. Babysit for single moms free of charge 
65. Buy groceries for the person in line behind me at the grocery store
66. Buy lunch for the person behind me in a drive thru
67. Ride along with a police officer on a night shift
68. Visit ground zero in NY
69. Collect the 50 quarters from all 50 states
70. Live a simple life with very few possessions
71. Witness a medically necessary surgery
72. Make a really good bottle of wine
73. Try a ropes course with husby
74. Drive a golf cart for golfers I know (or famous people!)
75. Write a bucket list!
76. Go white water rafting in the Rockies (again)
77. See my children grow up to be well rounded, responsible, successful adults
78. Go on a women's spiritual retreat
79. Lead a bible study
80. Do a touristy zip line in a rainforest or somewhere
81. Learn to ski
82. Get a masters degree in something unconventional (underwater basket weaving?)
83. Learn to knit a scarf for someone
84. Have a clutter free home (even before number 70 is achieved)
85. Complete a big jigsaw puzzle
86. Learn how to change the oil in my own vehicle (and become good at it)
87. Get pedicures with both my daughters
88. Give all homemade presents for Christmas one year
89. Write down something I'm thankful for every single day and then put them in a time capsule to open in 10 years.
90. Go tubing down a stream in the mountains (again - haven't done that one since early 90's!)
91. Donate my hair to Locks of Love
92. Speak Pig Latin with my kids in public 
93. Make a snow igloo in the backyard.
94. Learn to cook meals for other people (Frozen Stouffers Lasagna just isn't very ....heartwarming anymore)
95. Save Princess Peach (again) :)  - can never do that too many times!
96. Write a book filled with word plays. (I like throwing knives! I like throwing - knives.) I'madork
97. Keep a prayer journal
98. Fly a really cool/big kite with my kids at a park
99. Come up with two more things for this bucket list
100.   
101. 
     

Things that make you go &#^$%*

In no particular order, here are the top ten things that are pissing me off right now:

1. Taking the dog to the shelter because he's way too high maintenance for this house. (Good riddance Mr. Eko - sorry it didn't work out... blah).
2. Wanting a puppy so bad, but wanting to wait it out since the last two dogs were ...uh... not a good fit here.
3. Losing a best friend to cancer. $#@& Cancer.
4. Hearing that a friend of another best friend had bad news at her routine scan. #%#@%@
5. Losing a client, and possibly a friendship with it. ARGH
6. Losing friends over stupid stuff that should have been avoided. 
7. Reading rude comments about politics on a nicely written article that had nothing political to mention in it.
8. Rich must leave the state for mandatory work-related training and he'll be gone forever! (or 10 weeks, whatever).
9. Ants (especially in the kitchen)
10. Shocking news that a friend is getting divorced. SUCK ROCKS.

And now, in no particular order here ten things that I love love love love (because who wants to end on such a sour note?)

1. My church rocks. As well as the people who go there, too... of course. And when I think of my church, I also (inadvertently) think of the Brent Bays Foundation. Both are pretty rockin'.
2. My clients rock. Make new friends, but keep the old; some are silver and the others gold. I'm loving the new family - 3 girls that fit in perfectly around here. We are so blessed!
3. Julia is excelling in Kindergarten.  (I admit, it's pretty nice having her out of the house all day, too!)  I'm so glad that she loves to go there and wishes it was all seven days a week.
4. Rebecca is one of the most mature 3 year olds that I get to be with on a daily basis. And, she's not even 3 yet. :)  I'm lucky she's my kid!
5. My family is amazing. I'm talking about my dad and step-mom, my brother and nieces, my in-laws, and of course (and especially!) my husband and children.
6. Facebook gets me through the days.  When I only talk to children all day long everyday, I crave peer interactions. I love facebook for letting me "creep" on my friends' profiles and engaging in conversation when appropriate.
7. God is pretty rockin'.  A short month ago, I was wallowing in tears trying to understand what my future had in store for me. I thought I was supposed to get a "real" job. I thought maybe I was supposed to go back to school. I thought I had it all wrong and needed to change.  Turns out, if you're patient enough, he speaks very clearly....  I just needed to re-center! Thanks, God. I'd totally link to You if I knew how.
8. Big Brother.  I admit it - I'm a BB junkie. Gosh.  But, okay really? That and LOST are the only shows I ever watch. And LOST is over forever (sad!). So, is it so bad to enjoy me some trash tv for a few hours a week?  Seriously need a reason to dust off the old boob tube anyway. (I might cry when the season is over.)
9. Fall is near!  After weeks and weeks of 100+ temps, we had a cool day yesterday. High of 80 or something like that. I loved it! I love Fall. OMGOSH just thinking about Fall makes my tummy do happy flips. Love it! I love Fall!!  WHOOO HOOOOO    okay thanks :) 
10. I'm still running. I still enjoy it. I have found peace in running for pleasure. I'm happy that I'm not a competitive person...  and I'm happy to have finally realized that!  Yesterday, I ran about 5K and enjoyed the scenery and my private conversations with God during the solo run. Priceless!

Adoration

When I'm having trouble hearing Him, God seems to stick one word in my head and lets me fixate on it until I understand what it is He has been trying to tell me all along.  A while back, I was so intently focused on Jealousy, specifically because of this song.  I wrote a little about the word Jealous on facebook, but now I regret that I did not properly journal my thoughts here on the blog, as I really believe that these studies are going to help me in the future.

Right now, I'm hearing the word "Adore" everywhere I turn. Last night, I cried myself to sleep in thankful tears of epiphany. Finally, I understand that God adores me. True, pure adoration. I always understood that I'm special and important to him. Somehow, I've internalized how important I am - how my service and actions, my deeds and love is important; but, I managed to skip over the part where God just clearly adores me.  Not only am I important and loved, I'm adored. Purely loved and thought of as adorable.

A couple of months ago, I read or heard something somewhere that inspired me to try and use the word "love" less casually.  I make an honest effort these days to stop saying that I "love" everything - pizza, ice cream, chocolate, caramel, mmm.....  cozy socks, my new phone, etc.  Instead, I try to find comparable words to describe my love for these things, but reserving the word "love" for real people and for God.  But now, I see how trivial that can be.   My focus was on my intentional use of the word love because I didn't want to underestimate the meaning.  However, if I am going to be that trite, I might as well stop saying that I love, like, adore, admire, cherish, enjoy, appreciate, etc. anything!  For, God sees me with all those compliments,  and so much more.

I was reading John 4 last night, about the woman at the well. The kids learned this story of the Samaritan woman's encounter with Jesus at Vacation Bible School and then John 4 popped up in my YouVersion reading plan.  I guess I was thinking about how the Woman must have felt to be accepted and loved by Christ when I heard God clearly tell me that He adores me.  I can't explain it any better than that - but I love that I don't have to.

If there are any readers out there that know of scriptures or songs that speak specifically of adoration, I'd love your suggestions. 

Happy

Every once in a while, I get into a slump. A little bit of a rut, or ditch that I need to climb out of.
In a rut.
Peaks and Valleys.
Ebbs and Flows.
Waxes and Wanes.
Highs and lows.

After all, I am human ya know.

I will even be honest and say that some of my valleys or ruts are bouts of mild depression. I just don't wanna talk about anything (a true rarity for me!), go anywhere, blog about anything, be productive, or have any fun. I just kinda want to wallow.  Again, this is only every so often. There's no medical conditions underlying here or anything for you to be concerned about. I'm just human - remember?

The good news is truly the Good News.  My little downer bouts don't last more than a day or two. They are never so bad that I would think of ever harming myself or anybody around me. I don't let the things that bring me down control my every thought or choice.  I simply just get ... ya know... bummed.  And, frankly - like so many Americans, my little downer episodes tend to surface in or around November/December.

Yesterday was the end of my little 3-4 day journey through the land of woe-is-me. And the thing that pulled me out of it was nothing more than a simple conversation with God.  After praying for a while, I randomly got a Matthew West song stuck in my head.
Here are the lyrics:

Matthew West - Happy

Three o'clock
Tripping down the sidewalk
Looking like a fool with a pocket full of questions
I was living in the worry
Moving in a hurry
In the wrong direction
But then
Suddenly it hit me
Doesn't really matter 'cause I got you with me
I think I don't have to be so
Down, down, down, down, down

I should be happy
I should be happy
I should be living up these days
Just like I know who runs this place
Now that you found me
I should be happy

Three thirty
Got a little dirty
Fear stuck it's foot out and I tripped on the same lie
That voice screaming into my head
Pushing me to play dead
Saying "don't you even try"
But how can I claime to be free
When I carry more chains the world when they see me?
I don't wanna be the fool who stays
Down, down, down, down down

I should be happy
I should be happy
I should be living up these days
Just like I know who runs this place
Now that you found me
I should be happy

Now I'm not talking 'bout a smile so fake
While the world takes pictures 24/7
I just want my faith to be a little more real
What you see is what you get
What you see is how I feel

I should be happy
I should be happy
I should be living up these days
Just like I know who runs this place
Now that you found me
I should be happy

 How perfect that is. How true and perfect and how I needed to pay attention to those lyrics yesterday. How wonderful it is that my Creator - the one who Loves me so, would bring this song back to my attention when I was ready to listen again.

It feels so good to be back to myself again. These little downers don't come along very often - but when they do, it really reminds me how awesome it is to be alive ... really alive.
Maybe that's cheesy?  But, that's how I feel! :)