Listening

Tonight, I was presented an opportunity.


It's the only night of this week that I have free from any and all obligations.  The only night I could really relax with my girls and enjoy the spoils of our new TV.  Tonight is a night I could catch up on laundry, rest so I can kick this stupid cold, and spend some serious QT with my girls without distractions.

But, today I was received grave news concerning a friend of mine who had been admitted to the hospital possibly facing some of his last days here, if I may be so bold as to say so.

I have a cold, I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I'm super lazy these days - which means that the half container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream is screaming my name from the freezer while the lineup of trashy reality shows I want to watch through Netflix are teasing me from the high def tv screen.  I have a million excuses not to go.

• I don't want to spread my sicky germs (by the way - my cold has moved into my sinuses, and now only my chest is affected. No more sneezing, drippy eyes/nose, messy germ showers - thank GOD)
• I don't want to take the girls to a hospital.
• I don't want to leave my kids with a babysitter.
• It's bath night and I have to fix dinner.
• Julia has homework and Survivor is on tonight.
• I've never been to that hospital -- I don't know how to get there
• It's kind of far away
• He's been sick for a long time - why should I go now, when I haven't really been there to visit him when he was admitted in the past
• There will be other people visiting him, I don't want to be a burden
• Hospital visiting hours is for family - of which I am not
• I should let his family deal with this - they don't need me
• I don't have anything to take. Flowers? Sweet treats? A card, at least? Nothing.
• What would I say? How would I act?
• the list goes on and on and on

too many excuses not to go.


And yet, I felt the nudge. I felt the comforting guidance of my Creator urging me to go visit him in the hospital tonight.  And things were falling into place:

• a client and good friend of mine offered to take the girls
• and she was even able/willing to feed them supper
• the kids were in very good moods and being very agreeable (a rarity these days for both to be in such spirits at the same time!)
• God was whispering loudly

So, I went.
I took the kids to a house they've never been to and left them with adults that have never been fully charged for their well being before. I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked this friend to feed my children.  I found the hospital on the internet and punched in the address to my GPS app on my phone and I went.


What a powerful night it has been.

When I arrived, my friend the patient was taking a shower, so I sat with his wife and chatted.  She was glad I was there. She wasn't alone. And, it just so happened that I showed up right about the time the doctors were going to give the family the results of today's body scan to see if there was cancer in some of his vital organs. (It wouldn't have been a surprise - he fought & survived two different affected areas of his body already - this has been the reason for his illnesses anyway.)  As doctors conferred with one another about the scan images/results, the family waited in the waiting room - anxiously wondering "Could it be? again?? What if it is?" and I was there to provide buffer under the hard, cold lights of the sanitized halls.

Someone else showed up, as well. A pastor I had never met before but always heard great things about. We had a chance to talk - to get to know each other in a way. My new friend and I had so much in common - we were both here for the same reason, and yet neither of us felt the need to verbalize our reasoning. We just knew. We shared the same air in that waiting room.

Finally, the doctors came and whisked the family away. All of them - my friends; a mother, a father, and two boys. The doctors insisted that they go over "results" in a nearby consultation room.  My heart sank and my new friend and I exchanged meaningful expressions of fear, sympathy, and just.... camaraderie.



Clear.


The results show that the area they scanned today are clear of any signs of cancer.  This is good!  But, yet - my friend still suffers. He's dying. And they can't blame it directly on cancer right now. Sure, they can blame it on "the results of his cancers" but not on a new cancer diagnosis.

Still - I was there.
With that family.

Against all the odds.

And it feels really good to have answered the call to go.  I'm proud of myself for answering and obeying.
I ignored the lies that were my dumb excuses, and I went.  I'm so glad I did. I hope I can do it again tomorrow.