Not a Morning Person

I used to loathe mornings.

Every night when I go to bed, I thank God for our comfortable bed. I don't want to ever take my warm and comfy bed for granted. I've even facebooked  (look! a verb!)  about how comfortable I think my bed is.  Weird, maybe - but I do take pleasure in relatively simple things, I think.

The worst part of my day is used to be when I wake up.  I never like to be pulled from my comfy bed and into the reality that another day is ready to take my energy away.

So, the thought of getting up early to exercise seemed ridiculous to me!  When I started my new job, I met some people who purposefully get up two hours before they HAVE to just for the purpose of working out.  Ridiculous, I say!  I said I could never do that. I said there's no way in H-E-Doublehockeysticks that I would ever get up early on purpose... just to work out.

And now I'm doing it.

Say what?

Yep. There's a few things working here:

• I'm working outside my home now so the time I have at home is much more coveted than it has been in the past.
• Time with my kids is precious to me, and I'm tired of taking time away from them to work out in the evenings before they go to bed.
• I'm working a demanding job (physically demanding, sometimes emotionally demanding, and psychologically challenging at times) so I'm SPENT at the end of the day, which means there's no room for a late workout. 

How do I do it? How did I finally teach myself to get up early to work out before starting my day?  The answer is simple. The answer seems ridiculous to most people.  The answer is this: I left it up to God.

I literally told God that there was no way in H-E-Doublehockeysticks (maybe I didn't use that expression, maybe I simply said no way on Earth) that I was going to be able to get up early on my own.  I told God that if I was going to start getting up early for a workout, that HE was going to have to get me up.

So, He did.

One night, I went to bed on time and asked God to please help me appreciate the insanity of working out in the early mornings, and the next day, I woke before my alarm clock. (Not much before... not enough time for a full workout, but enough time to feel the earlyness and to learn that early will not kill me.)

Another night, I went to bed and asked God to help me get up with enough time to work out before getting ready for work.  The next day, my kid wet her bed (unusual!) and so I had to get up to change the sheets.

Some mornings it's simply that I have to pee at the buttcrack of dawn and so there I am - UP, with plenty of time to exercise before work.

Do I enjoy it? Not so much.  Is it fun? Meh, nope!   Is it worth it?  ..... oh HECK YEAH.   My day starts earlier but I get more accomplished. My appetite is better throughout the whole day. I'm in a better mood after work.  I have the whole evening to play with my kids instead of plotting my workout.  It's way worth it. 

And that is how this non-morning person has managed to get up by 5am on recent mornings to enjoy an early workout before my usual shower and morning routines begin at 6:45.  

And - truth be told - a 3 mile run at dawn is way more enjoyable than at 5pm or 8pm or 10pm.  Mornings are beautiful! The sounds are beautiful, the sky is pretty, the calmness in the streets and in neighborhoods is beautiful.  There's beauty to early mornings. I just needed to learn to appreciate it.  Thanks, God, for showing me how to act like a morning person! :)

Let's get personal

I've lost 10 lbs.  Since when ...  well, I am not sure when it started, but I can tell you that I made up my mind to lose weight and I was serious about it.  And, it wasn't some "New Years Resolution" or something - it was just a choice I made one day.

One of the things I bought with my birthday money was a scale. The last scale I ever owned got put on the curb on trash day when I was about 30 weeks pregnant with our first kiddo. I was having a bad day that day. I decided then that I would never again care about my weight - even after the baby - and that as long as I was happy, the number on the scale didn't matter one bit.

Maybe that's why I'm still a good amount of lbs over my pre-weight pregnancy and my last kiddo was born 3 and a half years ago.

Anyway, the scale and I are friends. I really love it, actually.  I'm making progress that matters to me.  It tells me good morning and good night every day. And, while weighing myself twice daily might seem obsessive to you, it actually gives me tons of motivating comfort.  It's been a shock to me to see the same(ish) number at the end of the day that I saw at the beginning of the day.  It's as if the whole day wasn't really just pretend, that I really did weigh that amount for a full working day. omgosh, so cool.

So, my goal is 40 pounds total. 10 of those are already gone. Evicted. Banished. Gone forever. Sianara, Hasta La Vista. Bye bye baby. Gone.  History. Outta here. DONE.

Yup.

and now I've just shared personal, intimate details with the whole entire blogoverse.  And how are you today?

WANTED

Confession:

I'm on the lookout for a new running buddy. I'm looking for someone who is non-committed, slow, chocolate-loving, goal setting (but not overly determined), and somewhat inspiring.  I'm looking for someone who is just like me - someone that would run to sonic (to get ice cream, of course!) and back.  Someone who wants to get fit (I want to! I really do!) but doesn't really have the time or energy for such nonsense. (We have enough excuses to keep us from going nuts with it, right?)  Running 5K's is fun and stuff, but we don't have to do them together... if we say we're running them together then that's just a little too much commitment for me. And if we do run them together, I suggest you not leave me in the dust unless it's because you cut some really big corners and totally cheated. In that case, you'd better hi-five me when I cross the finish.

Anyway, I kind of need a running buddy soon.

Applicants can meet me for dinner at Five Guys or Pizza Hut. 

I hope to find just the right match by the end of this year.  Wish me luck!

Counting Calories

A week or so ago, I told a friend I was 100% with her on giving up sweets until Thanksgiving.  That little dream was a reality for all of maybe 18 hours.

I'm not one to deprive myself! 

A few days ago, I decided instead to count my calories every day until Thanksgiving.  I'd aim to lose a pound a week, but made a deal with myself not to get too bent out of shape (hehe, get it!) if I didn't lose anything.
I have to say - I like counting calories!!

• I feel full more often. I think that being conscience of how many calories are going into my body is making me feel full faster.
• This is a realistic way to lose weight.  Just like with keeping a budget: if you spend more than you make, you're gonna be in a heap of debt.  If you eat more than you burn, you're just going to be a heap (like me!)
• It is motivating me to exercise!  I've been on my dusty old treadmill twice in the lasts week. And I'm still suffering symptoms of bronchitis! The itch to get/keep moving is stronger than it ever has before. Tonight, I ran 2 miles just to burn 300 calories.  mmmm calories
• It's making me a smarter eater.  Obviously, my options are carefully weighed. Instead of gorging on breakfast, I'm being more conservative earlier in the day so I can enjoy a "normal" dinner with my family in the evenings.  I'm making smarter choices! This can't be a bad thing...
• I don't have deprive myself of anything.  I had 1/2 a serving of my Ben & Jerry's ice cream tonight. Yum. I would have eaten more than that, but HONESTLY I was just full.  (thatsneverhappenedbefore)
• It feels like there are more options in the pantry and in the fridge.  Before calorie counting, I would open my fridge and stare blankly inside wishing something yummy would pop out of it.  Now, I am finding all kinds of options!  I can't wait to have that yogurt in the morning... I decided against it this morning so that I could have my ice cream tonight. Fair trade if I may say so myself. 
• I'm convinced that the actual act of counting calories is actually burning more calories. The effort involved is insane. Good thing I only committed myself to doing this for two weeks... if I had to do this everyday for the rest of my life, I'd probably give up kinda quick... especially when it comes to restaurants and eating out!
• I'm aware of portions.  This one is a "gimme" for any self-conscious eater... but it's worth mentioning that portions are important. 2 tablespoons of hummus? You mean I'm not supposed to eat the whole thing in one sitting?

I'm looking forward to seeing progress over the next week.  Today is day 4, and thanksgiving is just over a week away.  Hopefully the counting will continue to be "fun" and eye opening for me; hopefully I'll feel like doing it after Thanksgiving day as well.

The Center

Last night while I was running and reflecting and praying, this song came on.  It's one of those things where I don't know that I'll ever forget exactly where I was and what I was doing when I first heard this song.

Life has been challenging me like crazy lately. I have been struggling with big life decisions, little ones too for that matter.  My brain is just tired of always trying to keep up with what is right, what is good, what need to happen, what needs improved, where to go next... and when I heard this song last night, it was like I finally realized that I don't have to speed up or slow down, I just have to keep on keepin' on.  I need to keep listening to the Spirit that guides me and just go with it. I need to stop questioning every little turn, twist, and loop and instead just go in the direction I feel led. As long as I am sincerely, honestly praying this prayer that my Father, my Teacher, will put me in the center of His will for me - I should be good to go.  Less stress. Less worry. Less sleepless nights.

 I already feel better about some of the decisions I've made that people have asked me about. I feel like I'm listening and following Him the best that I can.  I almost wish I could have this song on repeat in my heart and in my head for the next few months, maybe even years.  I just need to keep praying, "Put me in the Center of Your Will for Me."  What an amazing feeling that must be, despite the work that goes into it.

 

Matthew West - The Center Lyrics

I wanna know

I got a feeling as a matter of fact
It's like my whole world just came under attack
And I hear can a voice tellin' me to turn back
'Cause I must be onto somethin'

It happens every single time I get close to
Everything I know is good and right and so true
It's like somebody doesn't want me to love You
And I must be onto somethin'

So help me hold on
Help me be strong
'Cause I don't wanna move
Unless You move me

I wanna know how it feels to be
Standing in the center of Your will for me
I wanna know what surrender means
Keep me in the center of Your will for me
Keep me in the center

God forbid, I start to think I'm on a roll now
'Cause I do believe there is a battle for my soul now
And I can feel the world fighting for control now
I must be onto somethin'

So help me hold on just a little bit longer
'Cause all the struggle's gonna do is make me stronger
This is the everyday prayer of my heart
I just wanna stay where You are

I wanna know how it feels to be
Standing in the center of Your will for me
I wanna know what surrender means
Keep me in the center of Your will for me

Lord, help me hold on
Help me be strong
'Cause I don't wanna move
Unless You move me, yeah, yeah

Oh, I wanna know how it feels to be
Standing in the center of Your will for me
I wanna know what surrender means
Keep me in the center of Your will for, will for me

I wanna know
I surrender, I surrender
I wanna know

You gotta help me hold on
Help me, help me hold on
Yeah, help me hold on

There's one more

In my last post, I mentioned that there are five other runners that I personally know. I neglected to mention that the most important person in my life is also a runner! Until very recently (perhaps the last 5K we ran together, this past Saturday), Rich never classified himself as a runner. "I hate running" is a very frequent thing that used to come from his voice.

Like it or not, Rich excels at everything he does. Saturday was only his third 5K ever and he not only beat his personal record, but he beat his own expectations and ran really really well!
I know better than to compare myself to him. The guy can pick up a book on curling, read it, apply his new knowledge, and would blow us away at his successes.

As with all the other runners that I mentioned in my previous post, there is no ill will, hard feelings, or resentment towards other people who are able to reach and exceed their goals quicker, faster, better than me. I do find motivation and inspiration from all of these people. At the same time, I get frustrated easily and find myself being way too hard on myself.

So the plan from here on out is to stick with it, find ways to improve, and try to beat my personal goals! In the meantime, I'll work on challenging Rich to pick up synchronized swimming and see if I can't get some good video footage of that to post next summer ;)

Comparing myself to others...

So check this out - I consider myself a runner! At around this time last year, a friend and I decided to go for a run together. She said she needed me for external motivation (i.e. the just get-out-there-and-just-do-it factor) and I let her know that I needed her for all kinds of motivation. I knew I couldn't become a runner alone. I've always been a person that functions heavily on the encouragement and affirmations of others. That's not something I'm particularly very proud of, but that's part of the abc's of me.

Anyway, it's been about a year since we first started running, and I just have to admit that I've come a long way! I'm able to carry on half a conversation now while we are trotting along - my lungs and chest aren't sore the next day. My legs feel great after a long run, and I even consider a good run to be a sleeping aid now.

When we got our new dog in July, my training was automatically bumped up a notch. Because of the type of dog she is, she requires two walks daily... if we don't allow her to expel her energy on a walk, she'll show us her bad side; chewing toys, eating out of the kitchen sink (eew, right?), and just being hyper with pent up energy. So, upon the purchase of Annie, husby and I decided that we owe it to her to get her out and about at least twice a day, ideally for 30 minutes or more each time.

This has vastly improved my training. Not only am I hitting the streets every evening with either a run or a walk, but I have been pulling a 40 pound hunting dog along. My arms are toned, my pace is a bit faster, and my agility has vastly improved. Annie is a very strong dog, and one sniff of a kitty cat or bullfrog sends her flying in an unpredictable direction. When traveling at a 12 minute mile pace, balance can be very difficult to maintain on the city streets when running with Annie. But it's enjoyable, to say the least.

Okay, but none of that is the point of this post. I'm writing to admit that I have a horrible habit of comparing myself to other people I know who are runners. And when I do this? I feel like a miserable failure! Now, I know that this is not fair to myself; I should base my goals and sense of achievements on my own personal fitness. Logic tells me that comparing myself to others will always be futile. But, hear me out.

There are five people that come to mind when I think of other runners that I personally know. All of them are way better than me. I don't say that with a tone of self-pity or anything like that. I'm not seeking any sympathy. I'm just trying to figure out how I can stop comparing my running to theirs and instead step up my game to become a better runner so that I can feel like I'm in the same league as these peers of mine.

First of all, there's V. V is my running buddy, and I'd be 50 pounds heavier, a lot lazier, and way more miserable right now if it wasn't for her. She's inspiring and fun. We talk a lot while running, which helps the runs go by fast... but then by the end of the run, I always wish we could go further so that we can continue to carry on our conversations. V is recovering from a foot injury which took her out of running for almost the whole summer. I trained without her for a few weeks, but missed her every step of the way. Having to run without her taught me two important things, though, both of which are very important: 1) Annie is fun to run with, as long as it's just me and Annie and 2) I can do it without V. I don't want to, but I can. I can get my butt out there and run, even if she is out with an injury.

V, however, is a wonderful racer. She trains at a slow pace with me (I often feel like I'm holding her back) but when it's race day, she goes all out. My very first 5K was her second or third one, and I remember being awed by her finish time. I've had three other 5K's since then, and I am still 5 minutes behind the time she set at that groundhog run. V assures me that her finish time doesn't matter a bit - that it's about starting and finishing and feeling good about participating. But, still? To be able to run that much better would be way fun, in my opinion.
______
Ok, and then there's another V. This V is a friend of mine that I've gotten to know over chats about running and fitness. She's a very energetic, vibrant, happy person. Her first 5K was at the beginning of the summer, and I think she ran at the same pace I do. I saw her at our next 5K and we high-fived, bumped elbows, talked fitness and all that stuff - and then I found out that she ran a whole 8 or 9 minutes faster than I did! While I wasn't proud and happy of my finish time being at around 40 minutes, I was certainly excited to say I ran and finished. But, V finished in 35 minutes, and it was only her second 5K, (my third or fourth one.) Worse still, she says shes doesn't run the whole thing - that she walks parts of it. How the heck does someone finish with that kind of time, and only run PARTS of it? I'd be ecstatic to have a finish time like that! In fact, I decided at the beginning of this year that my goal for 2009 would be to run a 5K with a finish time of 35 minutes or less.
______
Then there's S. I really do know better than to be comparing myself to S. S is a competitive runner, and she has training in track and field. She is fierce, and she knows it. She is also a marathoner - so, again, completely out of my league. But, she's still someone that I admire and I find inspiration from. I don't want to be like her, necessarily. Running competitively - as in, to get first place, has never been a goal of mine. But, to be fit and able to run well - to run quickly in a race - is something I want. I want the know-how. I want to learn more about good splits and competitive pacing. But, right now? I'm just out there to survive. I'm just happy I can finish. Someday, maybe I can finish a 5 or 10K and proudly post about my finish times without feeling like an old, fat tortoise. S blogs or facebook-posts about her finish time, complaining of a 30 minute 5K as if that's a terrible finish time.
______
Another friend of mine is B. B is also a marathoner, and trains seriously. She is tall and thin and gorgeous - and I believe that all of those things make her an exceptional runner. 5K's seem like a walk in the park to B. To me, just finishing a 5K is a huge feat! Whenever B kindly asks me how my training is going, I find myself locking up. I can't tell her how proud I am of my training, because I feel like it's silly - who gets all excited and worked up over a three mile run that takes an hour? LOL However, B is very encouraging and always telling me not to focus on my times, to just get out there and have fun. She reminds me that I'm in way better shape now than I was in before I became a "runner." But, still? To be able to participate in a marathon (of a half, for that matter) sounds like really something to be proud of.
______

So there you have it. Those are friends/acquaintances of mine that are runners. And, if you knew them and saw how they trained, how they raced, and read their running attitudes - you'd agree that I just shouldn't compare myself to them. But the thing is, I want to! I want to be able to compare my running to theirs!

I suppose it's just going to take more practice. More training. More discipline in endurance and speed. And maybe by this time next year, I'll be running marathons and 25 minute 5K's. LOL

I just kept on runn'ang...

I'm gonna go ahead and call myself a runner, even if I'm only running once a quarter. hah! Nah - I was doing really good for a while there in the summer, running 2-3 times per week. I'd go just after laying the girls down for bed at 8pm, when I had 30-45 minutes left of daylight. It was perfect, because my run would end as the sun set, and then I'd go for a quick walk to cool down. But, somewhere near the middle of September, my knee started to ache. I heard it pop while I was out on a run, so I figured I had twisted it funky. By the time the knee felt better, the days were too short and it was way too dark outside for me to run comfortably... I haven't run since September - until last night.

A friend of mine invited me to go with her, and I was very hesitant as I agreed. I told her the long story about how I was once a "runner" and then the knee and now it would be my first night back. She kinda snickered and said it was okay - she assured me that she runs slow and is sore from her last run so wouldn't want to go very far anyway. So, like a good friend, she talked me into it.

The first ten minutes or so were excruciating. I felt like she was running too fast, and each time I tried to slow down the pace, it would just pick right back up again a block later. She was prancing along, carrying conversation like it was Sunday brunch. I? I was huffing and puffing and wondering how I got myself into this mess. But after my warm-up, I was on fire...

We started towards my favorite greenbelt path talking on the way about whether we thought it would be lit up or not. The entry to the path is at least 1/2 mile from home - and when we got there, we discovered that it was NOT lit up, so we turned around and headed back so we could stay under the safety of the streetlights. On the way back, we agreed that we could just go back home and call it good - we were both satisfied with a quick run as our first time out together. But, something got into me as we reached the top of the hill, and the corner of the street, and I told my friend that I wouldn't mind to keep running if she was up for it.

She met the challenge without any hesitation and I started to wonder what I was getting myself into. We then ran around the neighborhood, talking about how our legs were starting to feel the pain. We agreed to go that last little bit and then start walking to cool-down ... and she was reminding me again about her last run and how sore she was from that run. She said at this point that her legs felt like spaghetti noodles. She was glad we had stopped to walk.... and so was I. It had been a very long time since I tried to run at all - let alone any distance over a mile or so.

But, we made it home safe and sound and I felt really good in the shower and then later as I curled up with my book to wind down for the night.

Unfortunately, though - I didn't sleep very well at all! My leg muscles were mad at me and even my back was starting to protest. I'm glad - because it means that the workout was good and effective. But, at the same time - I thought the workout would make me tired and help me sleep deep.

This morning, as I write this and grimace at the labor strike my body is on, I think about my friend... I hope she's doing alright this morning! I hope my decision to keep on going wasn't painful for her. I hope she wasn't dropping me hints that she would like to walk the rest of the way and I just wasn't catching on! I hope she wants to run with me again.

Running with a buddy is so much easier and a lot more fun than running alone. I wish someone would have told me this a long time ago! Now that winter's approaching, I'm so afraid that our good habits will die too quickly. Too bad we don't have an extra treadmill in the basement - then I could just invite her over when it's snowing!