Listening

Tonight, I was presented an opportunity.


It's the only night of this week that I have free from any and all obligations.  The only night I could really relax with my girls and enjoy the spoils of our new TV.  Tonight is a night I could catch up on laundry, rest so I can kick this stupid cold, and spend some serious QT with my girls without distractions.

But, today I was received grave news concerning a friend of mine who had been admitted to the hospital possibly facing some of his last days here, if I may be so bold as to say so.

I have a cold, I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I'm super lazy these days - which means that the half container of Ben & Jerry's ice cream is screaming my name from the freezer while the lineup of trashy reality shows I want to watch through Netflix are teasing me from the high def tv screen.  I have a million excuses not to go.

• I don't want to spread my sicky germs (by the way - my cold has moved into my sinuses, and now only my chest is affected. No more sneezing, drippy eyes/nose, messy germ showers - thank GOD)
• I don't want to take the girls to a hospital.
• I don't want to leave my kids with a babysitter.
• It's bath night and I have to fix dinner.
• Julia has homework and Survivor is on tonight.
• I've never been to that hospital -- I don't know how to get there
• It's kind of far away
• He's been sick for a long time - why should I go now, when I haven't really been there to visit him when he was admitted in the past
• There will be other people visiting him, I don't want to be a burden
• Hospital visiting hours is for family - of which I am not
• I should let his family deal with this - they don't need me
• I don't have anything to take. Flowers? Sweet treats? A card, at least? Nothing.
• What would I say? How would I act?
• the list goes on and on and on

too many excuses not to go.


And yet, I felt the nudge. I felt the comforting guidance of my Creator urging me to go visit him in the hospital tonight.  And things were falling into place:

• a client and good friend of mine offered to take the girls
• and she was even able/willing to feed them supper
• the kids were in very good moods and being very agreeable (a rarity these days for both to be in such spirits at the same time!)
• God was whispering loudly

So, I went.
I took the kids to a house they've never been to and left them with adults that have never been fully charged for their well being before. I stepped out of my comfort zone and asked this friend to feed my children.  I found the hospital on the internet and punched in the address to my GPS app on my phone and I went.


What a powerful night it has been.

When I arrived, my friend the patient was taking a shower, so I sat with his wife and chatted.  She was glad I was there. She wasn't alone. And, it just so happened that I showed up right about the time the doctors were going to give the family the results of today's body scan to see if there was cancer in some of his vital organs. (It wouldn't have been a surprise - he fought & survived two different affected areas of his body already - this has been the reason for his illnesses anyway.)  As doctors conferred with one another about the scan images/results, the family waited in the waiting room - anxiously wondering "Could it be? again?? What if it is?" and I was there to provide buffer under the hard, cold lights of the sanitized halls.

Someone else showed up, as well. A pastor I had never met before but always heard great things about. We had a chance to talk - to get to know each other in a way. My new friend and I had so much in common - we were both here for the same reason, and yet neither of us felt the need to verbalize our reasoning. We just knew. We shared the same air in that waiting room.

Finally, the doctors came and whisked the family away. All of them - my friends; a mother, a father, and two boys. The doctors insisted that they go over "results" in a nearby consultation room.  My heart sank and my new friend and I exchanged meaningful expressions of fear, sympathy, and just.... camaraderie.



Clear.


The results show that the area they scanned today are clear of any signs of cancer.  This is good!  But, yet - my friend still suffers. He's dying. And they can't blame it directly on cancer right now. Sure, they can blame it on "the results of his cancers" but not on a new cancer diagnosis.

Still - I was there.
With that family.

Against all the odds.

And it feels really good to have answered the call to go.  I'm proud of myself for answering and obeying.
I ignored the lies that were my dumb excuses, and I went.  I'm so glad I did. I hope I can do it again tomorrow.

Service

Just like always, busy busy busy.
Our 5K was very successful, despite the relentless morning rain.  Funny how the sun came out and glistened off the beaded raindrops making for a BEAUTIFUL day - perfect for a nice run - just as soon as the last of the items were unloaded from our vehicles after the event was over.

Despite the rain, we had over 60 people show up to volunteer.  There were 265 people registered for the 5K, and all but 16 of them picked up their packet (or at least a timing chip), so we can only assume that the turnout was equally as impressive.

Almost a month later, our little foundation has given away over $11,000.  Holy cow.  We did it - we really did make a positive financial impact for a few great families in our community. :)  I'm proud!

The whole "fighting cancer" theme in my life is only getting stronger. I'm excited  to be a part of the committee for our local Relay for Life, and there's only 30-something days left until the event.  I'm all about loving on the people of our community who have suffered....  for this chapter of my life, it happens to be suffering because of cancer.  I love serving other people, though - no matter the "cause."

When I was 15, I went with a friend of mine to help clean up after the Great Flood of 1993 in Des Moines, IA.  It wasn't part of a mission trip or anything like that...  My mom worked for the city government, and they were sending some people. When she came home from work and told me about it, without hesitation - I said, "I want to be a part of that, can I go?"   Being a minor, I really wasn't supposed to go - many feared that I would just be in the way. But, mom worked it out through people she knew, and before I had a chance to fully pack my bag, the plane took off and I was on it.  It was fun - seeing people (us) working together, helping strangers. I loved meeting the people we helped. We gutted countless houses - tearing down drywall and filling dumpster after dumpster with their ruined belongings.  During the last 3 days of our stay there, we gutted a bar, and I remember everyone just chilling out on the last evening drinking alcohol and talking about the trip. I, of course, was enjoying a bottled water, but I LOVED feeling included and appreciated for all the work I put forward.  Of course, the whole thing wasn't all fun and warm-fuzzy-hearts...  there was real, true saddness invloved - I'll never forget the teddy bear that floated atop some muck in one house, where the little girl had passed away during the downpour.  I wanted to bring that teddy bear home - but my cohorts advised against it, reminding me of the smell and filth that it had become.  I guess I still had some "kid" left in me, even while I was among others serving out of my home state and away from family... away from anybody that I knew, really.

Anyway!

My life of service continues. I hope that this BBF we have created turns into something great. Something monumental and important. I hope to be a part of it's growth for as long as the Lord deems it necessary for me to be a part of it - and then, I hope to move onto the next great thing.  My only goal in this life is make a TON of money so that I can give it ALL away.   Seriously.  No matter where I'm at in life, I know that someone, somewhere will ALWAYS have it worse than I do.

So there's me tootin' my own horn again. I guess just trying to explain where my love and desire for local service projects comes from.  A bit of history in there too - in case you cared.

Thanks for reading! Maybe I'll get back with the blogging world again before long.

The "C" Word

Cancer bursts my bubble.

Almost every single time I find myself surrounded by other people, another story of a cancer diagnosis is told. Whether it's in politics or Hollywood, someone's neighbor, teacher, or mom - cancer news will not escape us. I don't know about for you - for me? It's depressing and frustrating, annoying, and exasperating.

Cancer is one of those things that just gets my blood boiling. I don't know how else to describe it.

I often wish cancer was a BEING, like - outside the body. Something with horns and red eyes; something we could look right into and kick the crap out of. Like an angry bull, it could be something we could work together to destroy, to eliminate, to eradicate. Make it extinct. News of the past. ...Something our grand-kids could tell their grand-kids about and share the horror stories with eyes of pride because the family line survived the terror.

Cancer makes me sad and angry, and there are no other words than that to describe how I feel about it. Yet, those two words together don't do justice to the passion, or rather the FURY that I feel when I think about, pray about, try to understand the disease.

I am so incredibly blessed that cancer has not taken the life of any of my loved ones. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor, and because she caught it early and had a double mastectomy, she is a survivor of almost 8 years.

Cancer definitely gives us stories of hope and survivor-ship, and even miracles. I can't think of anything else positive that comes from the average cancer story. Granted - hope, faith, the will to fight, and yes - miracles - are big important deals. They are life changing, positive, and nothing short of amazing. I'm constantly in awe that survivors can find these qualities within themselves among the maddening diagnoses, the relentless appointments, the fear, and all the while facing the scary unknown.

I guess I need to focus on that instead of the fear, disappointment, frustration and anger that has been consuming my thoughts on cancer lately. I need to set aside my assumptions on the matter and focus more on the hope. I need to remember that the fight against this raging bull is not over - people like the ACS, and the NCI, people like you and me who donate money and time, people like caregivers and family members ...people all over the world... are still fighting.

I just wish the fight was over. I wish we could declare victory on our breasts, our prostates, our lungs, our blood, our brains, all the parts of the body that have been known to get "attacked." I wish we could raise our victory flags right now and be done with the ugly disease.


*Just to be clear, I have not been diagnosed with cancer. I have no close family members currently fighting the battle. These words, thoughts, and feelings come from experiences that affect me outside my family circle. ...Ya know, just in case I needed to clear that up for some reason. Though, really, the "C" word should still piss you off all the same.

this, that, and the other

It has been a wild weekend already. Yesterday was Friday, and hubby had
the day off so he hung out around home and helped me run the biz.
It's always so nice having him here, especially now that we've established a wonderful working
relationship. He helps out so much and makes those kinds of days easy
peasy for me! Sometimes I wonder if I'm being fair to the parents who
employ me... how can I be so lucky to get paid to play with kids all
day! (ahem, and then other days, I remember clearly... hah!)

But yesterday afternoon, husby left me to go to a job interview. This
interview was for a job that he has been eyeballing for a long time ...
a job that would require him to move to a different position,
essentially still working at the same place, kinda. It's in his same
field of work, but with more security and the chance to work his way up
somewhere - instead of feeling stuck in the rut that he's in where he
works right now. I don't know if I've mentioned it much here on the
blog, but his work hours S.U.C.K. right now... they work him to death
until his 40 hours are in, and then send him home for the rest of the
week. This often means working his regular 9 hour shift one day, then
going in for 5 hours that night, and working his regular shift again the
next day.... which often means he is dog tired all week long and
driving at night exhausted - which makes me HATE his employers! It's
not safe, and it's not fair - they've required him to go to work
whenever his pager goes off... it doesn't matter what time of day or
night it is - doesn't matter if it's a weekend or work week. Doesn't
matter if we church, a date, or a party planned... if that pager beeps
- he's out the door and in the office within 20 minutes. And, I'm fed up
with it!

Whew, thanks for listening! (blogging is therapy) ... All of that is
just to say, Horray! He had a job interview and he thinks it went well.
Now we get to wait wait wait for the decision. Since it's a federal
government position, it could be a long while before we hear anything.
We'll just get to wait and see!

In other news, our girls are sick. Julia started it with a horrible
cough - one that rattles her chest and makes her cry of frustration
because the coughing is relentless. And, since Julia had RSV as a baby,
her colds often turn into asthma-like attacks - which is never fun. And
now Rebecca has Julia's cough and Julia's cold is moving on through her
system - so now she has a sore throat (in the glands) and runny nose and
watery eyes. Rebecca can look forward to those symptoms in a few days,
I'm afraid. It's been horrible having two sick kiddos - we're so lucky
that this is the first time Rebecca's ever been sick! The good news is
that it seems to be moving through them pretty quickly - in a few days
they'll be back to their old selves, I'm sure.

Thank goodness this is moving through their systems so quickly. It seems
like sleep really is the only thing helping them right now - every time
they wake up from night rest or a nap, they seem much better than
before... so today really hasn't been too bad. Good thing, too -
because we had big plans this morning!

As you may know, I've been enjoying the sport of running a lot lately -
and so today, I ran my second 5K

The run itself was brutal - it was very windy and there was a killer
hill right at the beginning. The first hill just about did me in - and I
told my sweet and faithful running buddy that I was done - I slowed way
down and begged her to run on and leave me to walk... but she is such a
super friend that she held back with me and encouraged me to keep on
running. So, I did end up running the whole 3.1 miles! For me, this is
a big accomplishment and did wonders for my athletic self-esteem.
Whenever the run got really painful, I just keep trucking on - mostly
because I would think about Abbey and
imagine that she must feel that way 24/7 when she's on Chemo.... and I
knew that my pain would only last for the next 1/2 hour or so... then I
would get to rest, shower, and relax for the rest of the day feeling
great. I wish Chemo worked that way, too... By the way, today's race
was for the benefit of a really great foundation. Go read about it!

At any rate, I do feel great and I have so much pride for not walking
(thanks so much, Val!) ... tonight happens to be a "ladies night out"
among friends. Rich and the girls have already left to eat and be merry
with his family - and I'll be leaving soon to meet the girls at
TGIFridays... a much deserved night out after a week long battle with
sick kiddos.

Tomorrow will be an adventure, as we have plans to diversify our Sunday
routines... maybe someday I'll blog about that one ;) For now, I things
to do, places to go, people to see, and a margarita to drink.
Happy Saturday, everyone!

I have cancer

Did I get your attention?

I don't have cancer. I just wanted to get your attention. It seems like every week there's another person I hear of that has cancer... a friend, a banker, the grocery clerk, a person at church, a child, a mom, an aunt, a grandfather, another blogger, a celebrity, the neighbor, the post man, just about everybody, anybody really.

For me, the news never ceases to "shock and awe". Cancer is my enemy. Far too many people are being diagnosed every single day.

Right now, my best friend has cancer.

And, there's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing anybody can do about it. We can't make it just go away... at least not without some hard work.

Two years ago, I decided to captain a Relay for Life team with my church. I volunteered to do this in honor of my Aunt (Julia's namesake) who survives breast cancer. She had a double mastectomy just a month after being diagnosed. Thank God, she has now been cancer free for over four years!

I believe that early detection and aggressive treatment, along with her solid faith in Christ Jesus, has brought her to her health. I also believe that if it were not for organizations like the Susan G Komen Foundation and the American Cancer Society, research and treatments would not have progressed enough over the last decade to save my Aunt's life.

Last year, I captained a Relay team again, but this time I did it in honor of Abbey. The cancer in Abbey is very rare; it is a kind that does not usually attack a healthy young adult. She often blogs of her frustrations in finding peers that can relate to her story - and has mentioned before the surprised reactions she has gotten from medical professionals regarding her case. Abbey has had extensive help in fighting the tumor - more than a years' share of countless chemo medicines and two big chemo embolization treatments. And now she has just completed radiation treatment at MD Anderson in Houston.

I believe that if it were not for organizations like the American Cancer Society, chemo and radiation treatments would not have advanced enough to help my friend ward off this cancer that has infected her body. Right now, Abbey may be cancer free. Her next CT scan is in a few more weeks, and it will reveal the sucess that radiation has had on her tumor. For all we know, she may be free from the tumor completely at this time.

I wish I could tell you how much money the ACS has given to people like Dr. Curley (Abbey's doctor in Texas), or how much money has gone into researching the proton machine that Abbey has blogged about in detail.. But, I have no idea - I only contribute my time, energy, and money in blind faith that it is going for the right research, to the right doctors, for the right reasons.

But, progress is being made. The ACS has a goal to (by 2015) reduce the occurance of cancer by 25% and to lower the number of deaths from cancer by 50%.

With an Aunt who survives breast cancer, a friend who survives esophegeal cancer, and a best friend who survives liver cancer... plus countless other people I encounter on a daily basis sharing their stories of how cancer has touched their lives, my only response was to find a way to get more involved with FIGHTING FOR A CURE. And, with the plans that the ACS have laid out, the goals they have publicised, and the mission statement they work and live by - how could I *not* wish to get more involved?

So, last year during Relay for Life, I made a commitment to myself (and to Abbey) that I would make fighting cancer more of a priority in my life. I no longer wanted to wait until the summer to contribute to the American Cancer Society. Something about the "Fight Back" ceremony during the Relay event sparked a fire in me... and I decided that I wanted to get on the Relay for Life committee, so that I could find other ways to plug into the organization. I have a passion for the Relay for Life event, but wanted to discipline myself to fight cancer every day of the year, not just overnight once a year.

Just as I figured they would, the Relay for Life committee welcomed me with open arms. And so, I attended a few committee meetings and LOVE the idea of planning for Relay even during the fall and winter months preceding the event. While at a committee meeting one night, I met the ACT (Ambassador Constituent Team ) Lead Ambassador. (Actually, I'd met him a long time ago - at my first Relay - but it wasn't until the committee meetings that I started to learn more about his advocacy roles.) His title is intimidating, but he's a great, very down-to-Earth guy. Basically, he is the leader of volunteers (such as myself) who want to help make a difference by sharing our opinions with legislators and elected officials.

And, as I was inquiring about advocacy, this Lead Ambassador peaked my interest when he started talking politics and explaining the different advocacy roles. That night, I signed up for ACS CAN! as soon as I got home. I met with the leaders of the network over breakfast one Saturday, and got hooked. I knew this was an area God was calling me to serve.

Today, I went to an ACS CAN! summit. It was my first real "thing" to do as an advocate. And now, I'm all jazzed up and excited about where we're going as an advocacy team with this fight against cancer. I'll have to get into the nitty gritty details some other time, if anybody cares. The summit today was so informative and I feel like I spent the whole morning in deep thought... I still need to clear my mind of it all so that I can sit down with a pen and paper and come up with a plan for how I'm going to contribute to the team. The nice thing about all of this is that I've learned SO MUCH from my past mistakes and will not forget what it means to be a volunteer, hehe.

I do not have cancer. But if I did? I'd want an organization like the American Cancer Society to have my back. I'm very proud to say that I'm a volunteer with them. I look forward to blogging about my adventures as an advocate on the ACS CAN team. While there's nothing we can do about the fact that our loved ones have cancer in their bodies, there is something we can do to help the fight it off. Find support in community. Get involved. Lead.

Abbey

Do you see that picture? That picture is SO FREIKING COOL. It's of my darling friend Abbey. I've written about her in another place. If you know me, you know some of her story too. I totally shoplifted that picture from her facebook and now I'm totally blogging about it and about her without her permission. I'm about to offer you a little "review" of that photograph. Totally unsolicited and without permission from the artist who took the picture or the model in the picture. I'm about to step over some boundaries, but I don't even care. I'm a great friend, huh?

Here is a list of reasons why I love this photo of her:

• Obvious reason #1: It's Abbey. I love her! I met her way back in 1996. That was FOREVER ago. But hey, we're still buddies. And that rocks.
• This picture was probably taken by her "honey." He's got mad photography skills. It's a hobby of his, but it might as well be a full time job. He's an artist, I tell you. I mean, just look at that picture... need I say more?
• I don't have a clue where this picture was taken. I don't know the context. I don't know Abbey's frame of mind. I don't even know when it was taken. But, I still love it.
• That wrap around her head reminds the world that you are looking at a SURVIVOR
• The tape behind her clearly says STOP. As in, stop this ugly disease. Stop the suffering. Stop the staring. Stop the judgements. Stop the pain.
• The tattoo is symbolism that Abbey has faith. She has faith in something(s) powerful to her. The tattoo also shows her strength and commitment to be strong forever.
• Her jewelry is decorating her arms and hands. The watch declares that she is living on a time line just like the rest of the world. Only, you should know that her time line involves medicines, therapies, appointments, bills, and a billion other stressors that you and I can only imagine. The livestrong bracelet is worn by those who remember her and pray for her and think of her everyday. It's a visual reminder of cholangiocarcinoma. You can't tell here, but you should know that it is green.
• Her face is outlined by the head wrap and her hands. Her face is beautiful. When I look in her eyes in this photo, I can see her turning her head to meet my eyes and smiling her gigantuous smile. At the risk of sounding cliche or cheesy, she truly is a beam of light. If you know her, you know the expression I'm waiting for. You've seen it a million times.
  
• Finally, the expression on her face. It's not anguish or grief. It's not failure or demise. It's BUSINESS. Concentration. Attention. Respect. It's about fighting. Keeping an eye on the prize. Healing in progress. Surviving.

Major props to the composition of this photo. Major props to the warrior Survivor.

Fierce Survivor

Go here now and leave a comment. Just do it! Abbey is a warrior princess! Woot Woot. She rules. She makes me so proud to be her friend. She fights hard at surviving. She inadvertently reminds me of every. single. freiking. thing. that I take for granted every day of my easy life. WOOT! Go leave her a comment. Just do it. She rocks.