A week or so ago, I was lamenting the fact that I promised my wonderful, inspiring, motivating and exceptionally faithful running buddy an evening jog. I asked Rich why it is that I didn't want to run. I love to run. I enjoy the actual act of running. Running makes me feel good and gives me energy for an entire day afterward. Running is good for my body and great for my soul. So, why was it that I wanted to just stay home, curl up under a blanket, eat a big bowl of fattening ice cream, and vegg in front of the boob tube? Why didn't I have the WANT to run? And, accurately so - dear husband replied with the simple answer: "Because it's easier to just not go."
Yesterday, I was invited in on an email conversation between a mentor and his buddy, whereby politics and unemployment, health care and "the spirit" were all discussed and debated upon. My mentor, who is a strong conservative person had the general theme in his writing that "it's just easier..." to live life the same way as his liberal buddy with whom this conversation was happening. While they discussed unemployment rates and free health care for all, I had to agree that yes, "it is just easier" to be taken care of than to find some way to provide for ourselves.
This morning, as I was preparing for church - I was wondering what happened to my WILL to serve in the church's children's ministry. I work with children for a living. I consider myself a quality teacher. I love serving the Lord. The children's ministry needs me and wants me. I'm welcomed there by the staff, the parishioners, and (most of all) by the children. I enjoy my time teaching Sunday school every time I do it. I never regret making the choice to volunteer with the kiddos. But, still - each week, I find myself passing up the volunteer schedule and going to church services instead. Why? Because "it's just easier" for me to let my kiddos enjoy their sunday school thing while I get to be a grown-up and go off to church services without them.
Tonight as I sit here and type, I know that "it would just be much easier" for me to ignore this annoying theme that keeps running laps in my head and go to bed early, getting a full night's rest than it is to hammer these thoughts out on a blog and put myself out there for criticism or feedback.
This idea of life being easy has been occupying my thoughts and entering into a lot of the conversations I've been having with folks lately. And I have come to a definite conclusion about it all. You see, it's not that I want life to be hard. I see no merit in doing things the hard way. I think that if I came to two roads diverged in a wood, that I would not be able to take the one less traveled. On the contrary, I tend to take the roads that have the most wear and tear on them, because I see no need to re-invent the wheel when it comes to anything. I admit that, right here - right now. That's just part of who I am.
But, at the same time -- I see no merit in losing touch with the spirit within me. The spirit within me is this part of me that gracefully and kindly embodies my emotions. The physical stuff is my body. The emotional and mental stuff is my spirit. Without my spirit, I lose touch of the strive, or the will and desire to achieve happiness and fulfillment. I am pretty sure that I deserve to have a good healthy spirit about me.
The way I see, it is up to me to take good care of my spirit, just as it is up to me to take good care of my body, just as it is up to me to take good care of my money and my stuff.
And, maybe you can agree that taking care of our bodies is not always so easy. "It's just so easy" to eat the junk, plop on the couch, sleep, and eat the junk again. But, if we live like that - we not only start to feel unattractive, but we lose control over what is happening to our bodies. The mind confuses the WANT with the NEED. Our blood pressure gets high, blood sugar gets confused, hearts get clogged, and sometimes we die as a result of our choices to neglect the body. And, sometimes our bodies just take on a mind of it's own and leave us no choice but to battle disease or illness within. I would argue that it is at these times that it is most important to nurture the spirit within.
Likewise, it's not so easy to take care of our money (and also our stuff). "It's just so easy" to spend our hard earned money on STUFF instead of saving it or (better yet) giving it away. Again, our WANT gets mixed up with our NEED. We lose control over our finances and go broke, file for bankruptcy and sometimes get foreclosed on.
Taking control of what we actually have control over (like our spirit and our bodies) is a responsibility and a gift. Choosing to "suck it up" and take the not-so-easy approach to things can be rewarding and life-giving. It can affect your whole spirit and the way you live. It begins to change the way you think and the way you approach problems and find solutions. It gives you confidence and self-esteem and pride. It reminds you of some of the unique things about you that make you worthy of eternal salvation. It's important... and that is an understatement.
So, while I still find myself complaining and lamenting over the fact that something may be a bit too hard - that something might require too much of a commitment or too much energy or too much risk... I also know what kind of benefits I can harvest from so much hard work. It's not just about good ol' fashioned hard work. It's much more personal than that. It's about saving my spirit.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." Mark Twain
At the beginning of this 10-4-10 challenge, our small group talked about what kind of legacy we would like to leave behind when we pass away. We tried to finish sentences like, "When I die, I want people to remember ____________ about me " or "When I die, God will have said 'Well done my good and faithful servant, for you ___________.'"
I decided that I wanted to be remembered for bringing joy to other people. When I said that, I was remembering a sermon on the differences between "Joy" and "Happiness" and I was remembering how I felt that it was my duty to bring joy to people while roaming this Earth.
I don't know if I am capable of doing that. I seem to struggle bringing joy to my own children from time to time. (heh!) But, I'd like to think when I die, someone - somewhere - will say that I brought joy to their life. I doubt that I'm the most joyful person in theworld community house, but if I can bring joy to one person, that would be a very good thing.
So anyway, I started thinking about what brings joy to people and I keep coming back to the word Kindness. And now, I've decided that my goal in life is to be a person of kindness. That whole thing about bringing joy to people is still awesome in my book - but striving to be a person of kindness seems to be more of a focus for me.
I do have mean bones in my body. I can have days filled with anger or depression; resentment or yes - even hatred. But, when I'm trying to get out of those "funks," I am able to focus on who I want to be ... Who I want to be more like. Christ. Christ, the King of Kindness.
And so - if you were to ask me today what kind of legacy I hope to leave when I pass away, my answer would probably be just simple kindness.
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” - Mother Teresa
I decided that I wanted to be remembered for bringing joy to other people. When I said that, I was remembering a sermon on the differences between "Joy" and "Happiness" and I was remembering how I felt that it was my duty to bring joy to people while roaming this Earth.
I don't know if I am capable of doing that. I seem to struggle bringing joy to my own children from time to time. (heh!) But, I'd like to think when I die, someone - somewhere - will say that I brought joy to their life. I doubt that I'm the most joyful person in the
So anyway, I started thinking about what brings joy to people and I keep coming back to the word Kindness. And now, I've decided that my goal in life is to be a person of kindness. That whole thing about bringing joy to people is still awesome in my book - but striving to be a person of kindness seems to be more of a focus for me.
I do have mean bones in my body. I can have days filled with anger or depression; resentment or yes - even hatred. But, when I'm trying to get out of those "funks," I am able to focus on who I want to be ... Who I want to be more like. Christ. Christ, the King of Kindness.
And so - if you were to ask me today what kind of legacy I hope to leave when I pass away, my answer would probably be just simple kindness.
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” - Mother Teresa
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Actions
"Actions speak louder than words but not as often."It was Mark Twain that also said, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." I couldn't stop thinking about these quotes as my community group and I met tonight and chewed on some things brought up by Mark Batterson and the Wild Goose Chase. Tonight, our group talked about "The Cage of Assumptions" and how limitations brought on by assuming things can keep us from dreaming.. Specifically, we were reflecting on the relationship between doubt and faith.
- Mark Twain
I found myself thinking and saying the word "action" a lot tonight. I think God is encouraging me and inspiring me to keep on keepin' on as I continue to strive to be a good disciple. I find that I often need encouragement and praise - especially when I'm stepping into new territory - and it's during Tuesday night's small group times when I'm feeling God's encouragement the most. My community group on Tuesday nights has become something that I not only look forward to - but right now, I don't know if I could keep growing the way that I am right now without it. The group of people we meet with on Tuesday nights is so encouraging. Wednesday mornings are usually my most productive times of the week. It's probably no coincidence that my most productive time immediately follows my most spiritually fulfilling time during each week.
Being a part of a small group like the one I'm in now is something I had been craving for a very long time. I think everybody ought to have the kind of fellowship, prayer partners and accountability that comes in a small group package. It's so fulfilling and ...galvanizing.
This is a good season of my life.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
God's voice
When people say "God spoke to me..." or "I just heard God saying..." I always remember the burning bush in Exodus 3.
I also think of Alanis Morisette in Dogma.
I rarely ever think of the thoughts in my head.
But maybe I should. Everything I've been "working on" (spiritually, that is) lately has been telling me to trust myself more and to stop holding back with so much doubt. And, thankfully, I'm finding that when I do let go a little bit, I'm rewarded greatly. When I follow my "gut" (that little voice in my head), I'm finding myself going to places I didn't know I was capable of going. And, while that's a little bit scary? It's so very exciting. And the so very exciting part greatly outweighs the little bit scary part - which makes for a fun ride.
Maybe you don't understand what I'm talking about here. That's totally okay. Because, after all these years, I've finally learned that it's okay to be walking with blind faith once in a while... even if nobody else understands how or why I do it. And, as long as I can recognize Who it is that I'm following - it doesn't really matter what happens next.
God is not my safety net for "in case" I fall - He's my spotter while I'm up on this high-wire that has me taking risks and finding adventure.
I will fall. I will forget to trust and let go. I will fail, more than once. But, God will always have my back, if I let Him. There are so many lessons to be learned in that.
I also think of Alanis Morisette in Dogma.
I rarely ever think of the thoughts in my head.
But maybe I should. Everything I've been "working on" (spiritually, that is) lately has been telling me to trust myself more and to stop holding back with so much doubt. And, thankfully, I'm finding that when I do let go a little bit, I'm rewarded greatly. When I follow my "gut" (that little voice in my head), I'm finding myself going to places I didn't know I was capable of going. And, while that's a little bit scary? It's so very exciting. And the so very exciting part greatly outweighs the little bit scary part - which makes for a fun ride.
Maybe you don't understand what I'm talking about here. That's totally okay. Because, after all these years, I've finally learned that it's okay to be walking with blind faith once in a while... even if nobody else understands how or why I do it. And, as long as I can recognize Who it is that I'm following - it doesn't really matter what happens next.
God is not my safety net for "in case" I fall - He's my spotter while I'm up on this high-wire that has me taking risks and finding adventure.
I will fall. I will forget to trust and let go. I will fail, more than once. But, God will always have my back, if I let Him. There are so many lessons to be learned in that.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
She's always right
The other night, Julia and I had an argument regarding the silliest of things. Being the precocious five year old that she is, I should have known immediately that Julia was right. She's always right, ya know? Pick your battles and all that jazz...
She said she was watching a movie that she thinks was called "Charlie's Web." After investigation from her father and I, we determined that the movie did indeed have a talking pig, some other animals including a "very nice friendly" sheep and even - imagine - a talking spider. But, when we presented her with the idea that perhaps the movie was called "Charlotte's Web," we were shunned.
No, it was Charlie's Web. Of this, my five year old is now certain. There will be no further discussion. She knows what she's talking about.
Forget the fact that Charlotte's Web is one of my favorite books of all time, and that we went and saw the movie in the theaters when it first came out a couple years ago. No, clearly since we were not there with her the other night, we do not know which movie this was that she watched, and so obviously Julia is right - the one she was watching was called Charlie's Web.
....
Just now, we had an *even stupider* argument about the song on the CD. She insists that it skipped from "Five Green and Speckled Frogs" right down to TWO of them! Frogs four and three were skipped right over in the song! *gasp* Never mind that Julia was talking and playing during this part of the song... she couldn't have possibly missed it. It just didn't play that part.
Being the stubborn mother that I am, we replayed the song just so we could rest assured that indeed all parts of the Five Speckled Frog song were there on the CD. Whew, so glad to report that they are.
But, still? Julia maintains that when we listened to it just a while ago, it skipped right over that part. Something must be wrong with the CD player, and we need to have dad look at it when he gets home.
....
I wish I could be right some of the time!
She said she was watching a movie that she thinks was called "Charlie's Web." After investigation from her father and I, we determined that the movie did indeed have a talking pig, some other animals including a "very nice friendly" sheep and even - imagine - a talking spider. But, when we presented her with the idea that perhaps the movie was called "Charlotte's Web," we were shunned.
No, it was Charlie's Web. Of this, my five year old is now certain. There will be no further discussion. She knows what she's talking about.
Forget the fact that Charlotte's Web is one of my favorite books of all time, and that we went and saw the movie in the theaters when it first came out a couple years ago. No, clearly since we were not there with her the other night, we do not know which movie this was that she watched, and so obviously Julia is right - the one she was watching was called Charlie's Web.
....
Just now, we had an *even stupider* argument about the song on the CD. She insists that it skipped from "Five Green and Speckled Frogs" right down to TWO of them! Frogs four and three were skipped right over in the song! *gasp* Never mind that Julia was talking and playing during this part of the song... she couldn't have possibly missed it. It just didn't play that part.
Being the stubborn mother that I am, we replayed the song just so we could rest assured that indeed all parts of the Five Speckled Frog song were there on the CD. Whew, so glad to report that they are.
But, still? Julia maintains that when we listened to it just a while ago, it skipped right over that part. Something must be wrong with the CD player, and we need to have dad look at it when he gets home.
....
I wish I could be right some of the time!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Open Letters
Dear Somebody,
You always start everything you say with "I'm sorry..." Don't do that! You've never done anything to me, and so you don't need to be sorry anymore! Chin up!
Virtual Hugs,
Maggs
Dear Somebody else,
There was a little ditty I read the other day that made me think of you. So, I threw it away. And then, there was an article in the paper about somebody with the same last name as you. So I recycled it before finishing the article. I thought about you before I went to sleep. So, I prayed for you harder and longer than I have in a long time... it's not about forgetting you or having regrets. It's not about the end of a chapter. It's much more complicated than that. It's about hanging on to what I refuse to let go of.
Much Love - Even Still,
Me
Dear Rebecca and Julia,
I love you with all my heart, and then some! You totally rock. I hope I'm a good mom. :)
Hugs and Smooches!
Mommy
Dear Facebook,
Thank you for "Hide." I love that feature. By the way - you and I need to get together sometime soon for another "weed & feed." Can't wait! Until then, keep up the good work. It's so nice to have peer-to-peer conversations while I'm cooped up in the house.
Thanks again!
Maggs
Dear Self,
You are your biggest critic. Stop it! There are plenty of other people out there who are willing and eager to criticise you themselves. Leave it to them, and remember to love!
Yours always,
Self
Dear Cookies, Candy, Ice Cream, and Cake,
I love to hate you. I hate to love you. ARGH! 'Nuff said. YUM
Maggs
Dear Husby,
You constantly amaze me by just who you are. I'm a lucky duck to have you as my husband. The fact that you cook and clean and do laundry, and also bring home the bacon - is awesome. But that you love me back unconditionally despite all the faults that I have? That effing rocks. Thanks dude!
Love always,
One Blessed Wife
Dear Wal-Mart,
We stopped shopping there for groceries recently. Did you even notice? I thought not. But, I got my groceries at the local supermarket again on Sunday and the checker remembered me. Neiner neiner... you suck!
Out of fish filters and needing to buy forks,
Maggie
Dear Blog,
This may be the end of you. A time has come again when I feel the need to move along. No rash decisions have been made yet, but my intentions for blogging just haven't been the same as they used to be. I may need to reevaluate.
Miss me if I go,
Maggs
You always start everything you say with "I'm sorry..." Don't do that! You've never done anything to me, and so you don't need to be sorry anymore! Chin up!
Virtual Hugs,
Maggs
Dear Somebody else,
There was a little ditty I read the other day that made me think of you. So, I threw it away. And then, there was an article in the paper about somebody with the same last name as you. So I recycled it before finishing the article. I thought about you before I went to sleep. So, I prayed for you harder and longer than I have in a long time... it's not about forgetting you or having regrets. It's not about the end of a chapter. It's much more complicated than that. It's about hanging on to what I refuse to let go of.
Much Love - Even Still,
Me
Dear Rebecca and Julia,
I love you with all my heart, and then some! You totally rock. I hope I'm a good mom. :)
Hugs and Smooches!
Mommy
Dear Facebook,
Thank you for "Hide." I love that feature. By the way - you and I need to get together sometime soon for another "weed & feed." Can't wait! Until then, keep up the good work. It's so nice to have peer-to-peer conversations while I'm cooped up in the house.
Thanks again!
Maggs
Dear Self,
You are your biggest critic. Stop it! There are plenty of other people out there who are willing and eager to criticise you themselves. Leave it to them, and remember to love!
Yours always,
Self
Dear Cookies, Candy, Ice Cream, and Cake,
I love to hate you. I hate to love you. ARGH! 'Nuff said. YUM
Maggs
Dear Husby,
You constantly amaze me by just who you are. I'm a lucky duck to have you as my husband. The fact that you cook and clean and do laundry, and also bring home the bacon - is awesome. But that you love me back unconditionally despite all the faults that I have? That effing rocks. Thanks dude!
Love always,
One Blessed Wife
Dear Wal-Mart,
We stopped shopping there for groceries recently. Did you even notice? I thought not. But, I got my groceries at the local supermarket again on Sunday and the checker remembered me. Neiner neiner... you suck!
Out of fish filters and needing to buy forks,
Maggie
Dear Blog,
This may be the end of you. A time has come again when I feel the need to move along. No rash decisions have been made yet, but my intentions for blogging just haven't been the same as they used to be. I may need to reevaluate.
Miss me if I go,
Maggs
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The "C" Word
Cancer bursts my bubble.
Almost every single time I find myself surrounded by other people, another story of a cancer diagnosis is told. Whether it's in politics or Hollywood, someone's neighbor, teacher, or mom - cancer news will not escape us. I don't know about for you - for me? It's depressing and frustrating, annoying, and exasperating.
Cancer is one of those things that just gets my blood boiling. I don't know how else to describe it.
I often wish cancer was a BEING, like - outside the body. Something with horns and red eyes; something we could look right into and kick the crap out of. Like an angry bull, it could be something we could work together to destroy, to eliminate, to eradicate. Make it extinct. News of the past. ...Something our grand-kids could tell their grand-kids about and share the horror stories with eyes of pride because the family line survived the terror.
Cancer makes me sad and angry, and there are no other words than that to describe how I feel about it. Yet, those two words together don't do justice to the passion, or rather the FURY that I feel when I think about, pray about, try to understand the disease.
I am so incredibly blessed that cancer has not taken the life of any of my loved ones. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor, and because she caught it early and had a double mastectomy, she is a survivor of almost 8 years.
Cancer definitely gives us stories of hope and survivor-ship, and even miracles. I can't think of anything else positive that comes from the average cancer story. Granted - hope, faith, the will to fight, and yes - miracles - are big important deals. They are life changing, positive, and nothing short of amazing. I'm constantly in awe that survivors can find these qualities within themselves among the maddening diagnoses, the relentless appointments, the fear, and all the while facing the scary unknown.
I guess I need to focus on that instead of the fear, disappointment, frustration and anger that has been consuming my thoughts on cancer lately. I need to set aside my assumptions on the matter and focus more on the hope. I need to remember that the fight against this raging bull is not over - people like the ACS, and the NCI, people like you and me who donate money and time, people like caregivers and family members ...people all over the world... are still fighting.
I just wish the fight was over. I wish we could declare victory on our breasts, our prostates, our lungs, our blood, our brains, all the parts of the body that have been known to get "attacked." I wish we could raise our victory flags right now and be done with the ugly disease.
*Just to be clear, I have not been diagnosed with cancer. I have no close family members currently fighting the battle. These words, thoughts, and feelings come from experiences that affect me outside my family circle. ...Ya know, just in case I needed to clear that up for some reason. Though, really, the "C" word should still piss you off all the same.
Almost every single time I find myself surrounded by other people, another story of a cancer diagnosis is told. Whether it's in politics or Hollywood, someone's neighbor, teacher, or mom - cancer news will not escape us. I don't know about for you - for me? It's depressing and frustrating, annoying, and exasperating.
Cancer is one of those things that just gets my blood boiling. I don't know how else to describe it.
I often wish cancer was a BEING, like - outside the body. Something with horns and red eyes; something we could look right into and kick the crap out of. Like an angry bull, it could be something we could work together to destroy, to eliminate, to eradicate. Make it extinct. News of the past. ...Something our grand-kids could tell their grand-kids about and share the horror stories with eyes of pride because the family line survived the terror.
Cancer makes me sad and angry, and there are no other words than that to describe how I feel about it. Yet, those two words together don't do justice to the passion, or rather the FURY that I feel when I think about, pray about, try to understand the disease.
I am so incredibly blessed that cancer has not taken the life of any of my loved ones. My aunt is a breast cancer survivor, and because she caught it early and had a double mastectomy, she is a survivor of almost 8 years.
Cancer definitely gives us stories of hope and survivor-ship, and even miracles. I can't think of anything else positive that comes from the average cancer story. Granted - hope, faith, the will to fight, and yes - miracles - are big important deals. They are life changing, positive, and nothing short of amazing. I'm constantly in awe that survivors can find these qualities within themselves among the maddening diagnoses, the relentless appointments, the fear, and all the while facing the scary unknown.
I guess I need to focus on that instead of the fear, disappointment, frustration and anger that has been consuming my thoughts on cancer lately. I need to set aside my assumptions on the matter and focus more on the hope. I need to remember that the fight against this raging bull is not over - people like the ACS, and the NCI, people like you and me who donate money and time, people like caregivers and family members ...people all over the world... are still fighting.
I just wish the fight was over. I wish we could declare victory on our breasts, our prostates, our lungs, our blood, our brains, all the parts of the body that have been known to get "attacked." I wish we could raise our victory flags right now and be done with the ugly disease.
*Just to be clear, I have not been diagnosed with cancer. I have no close family members currently fighting the battle. These words, thoughts, and feelings come from experiences that affect me outside my family circle. ...Ya know, just in case I needed to clear that up for some reason. Though, really, the "C" word should still piss you off all the same.
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