Open Letters

Dear Old Guy at the Gym,
I see that you are in pretty good shape. You must've been lifting weights all your life! It's great that your wife or mistress or whatever is right there with you trying to get toned and whatnot. But, whatever. You totally need to get a bigger pair of workout shorts. Please?
Thanks!
Maggie



Dear Great Wolf Lodge,
My family and I had a blast staying there last Thurs and Fri. Thanks for the fun time. I'm sore in places that I've never really been sore before. The water slides and stuff are all great fun! My kids and I thank you. Too bad I left an arm and a leg there. Consider lowering your prices so we can come back again in this lifetime, m'kay? Thanks! Oh, maybe I'll even post some pictures from our visit soon! You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Much Love,
Maggie




Dear Rebecca,
Dad and I are so proud of you for growing and growing. You're now sleeping in a big girl bed and don't seem to mind. Thanks for being such a big kid! We are excited to be saving money on diapers soon, too. You rock.
xxxooo,
Mom



Dear Julia,
You should totally start your own blog! You're an awesome writer. Who cares if nobody can read what you've written? You're letters are coming along great! Keep up the good work, smartypants.
xxxooo,
Mom



Dear Husby,
Our kids are so smart! They totally get that from me. :)
Love ya!
Maggs


Dear God,
I love you so much. Thanks for the long conversation we had last night. I feel good! You rock!
Love,
Maggie


Dear Jillian Michaels,
I'm totally doing your 30 day Shred DVD program. You better not let me down. I'm willing to work a little but I want results for all the hard work! Oh, by the way? Your wii game? Really sucks. Seriously, welcome to the 21st century -whats with the ghetto graphics? Oh well, still love ya!
Sincerely,
Maggie



Dear Self,
Don't forget to stop and breathe. Stay busy, but only as much as you enjoy it. K?
Mwah,
You


Cancer,
You still suck and I will help this world kick your ass.
Bitch,
Maggie

Dear Facebook,
I'm addicted to you. Thanks for the love. You rock at wasting my time all day long every single day. Good job!
Maggs
PS can I have a couple of hours back? I decided I could spend them better doing a few other things. xxxooo