A good bad Dream

There's the kind of dreams we have where we are just daydreaming and wishing and maybe even pursuing, and then there's the kind of dreams we have where we're really asleep and the subconscious takes over completely.

I've been doing a lot of both kinds of dreaming lately.

The awake dreams are kinda fun, but honestly a bit disturbing as well (read my previous post about how I don't like it when my comfortable, easy ways are about to be rattled.)

The asleep dreams, lately, have been rather disturbing. Strangely, though, they are meaningful and thought-provoking as well - so perhaps there's a reason for them?

Last night I had a dream that I was reunited with my brother. He and I aren't really estranged anymore, but we only see each other at weddings and some holidays. We rarely have any meaningful conversations about anything other than our kids. And, I promise you, I'm totally okay with that. But in this dream I had last night, he and I were talking politics and things got really awkward.

I'll spare you the nonsensical details (silly and serious, dramatic and funny, yet all completely disturbing) about how the dream events unfolded - just so that I can get to the point of this post.....

There was a part of this dream where my brother, my father, my husband, and I were huddled behind some large boulders outside. We were bracing ourselves for the end of our lives - or so we could only assume. A nuclear missile had just landed somewhere East of where we were, thanks to my brother's arrogant moves and his need to prove his point (all of which can be easily explained if I felt the need to include all those nonsensical details I mentioned earlier). Anyway, right after that nuclear missile hit, our land was quiet.

So quiet, it scared me. I could hear my heartbeat. I could even feel and hear my husband's heartbeat in those moments following the blast...

I remember wondering if this was a good thing: Was I happy to know that our hearts were still beating and that the world as we knew it was still in existance? Or would it have been better if the world had ended right then and there so that I could be living in eternity with my Creator?

After a few other crazy things happened in the dream, I snored myself awake and lay in a cold sweat rehashing the dream. It was now 3am and my mind was racing with questions.

Usually when I have a nightmare, or even just a simple bad dream, I turn to prayer to calm myself down and lay myself to rest again. Last night was no different - except that as I was praying, I found myself thanking God immensely for my life.

It's almost as if I realized, while laying in bed at 3am, that I'm thankful simply for being alive. Thankful for my heartbeat, and for my existence in this world. And an overwhelming sense of peace overcame me. I wasn't tired anymore, I certainly wasn't scared, nor was I worried any longer about what the dream meant. I was enveloped in contentment and love and understanding. And for the next two hours, I lay in bed awake - just thanking God for being there with me.