Friendship

I have tried to avoid blogger like the swine flu because it's calling me to post about something that has recently happened in my life, and I just don't think it's appropriate. It's not appropriate for me to blog about it, and it's 100% appropriate for me to just let it go and move on about my business.

But, I can't help it! I can't help blogging about it. It won't go away until I do. So, here you will find an unnecessary, likely nonsensical blog post just because I really just want these thoughts to pass on by so we can discuss more interesting, life-changing topics.... like potty training 3 toddlers at once, like trying new recipes, and about how having a new fence around the backyard has saved my sanity.

Ok so, you know how My Space, Facebook, Twitter, and the like have hijacked the meaning of "friendship"? That's what this stupid post is about.

I like wikipedia's definition of friendship:

Friendship is co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.

That's how it should be. People who think they are my friends just because they read my blog, or just because they know my (now obsolete and abandoned) MySpace page or just because they are called my "friend" on facebook, should remember that friendship is so much more than that!

Now, I'm a pretty loving person. I'm forgiving and patient and I look beyond differences to find commonalities in people. I'm all about having a large social circle. I like to pray for everybody I know, whether or not we keep each other updated on a daily basis. I like to see people I know in the grocery store - maybe even stand and chat for a minute or two as we gawk at each other's kiddos. I like to recognize people when I'm at a High School football game or something, and I love to see other people's kids perform in dance competitions or in a school play or something. But, all that is different from having a friendship.

A friendship is all that and a bag of chips. A mutual relationship. A loving understanding.

I've always said that I don't keep a lot of close friends - mostly because the ones that I do keep are valued and treasured and respected so much. It's not that I don't want more friends, I'm always open to a budding friendship - it's just that the friendships that I maintain and grow need to be able to withstand the good and the bad parts of me - because I expect nothing less than the quality of love and care that I give freely.

This is the part where I sound arrogant and proud. That is not my intent at all. In fact, I'm quite humbled and taken-aback when I consider the friendships that I have. I often do not feel worthy of the kind of respect and love that my friends show me. Quite often, I question my worth in this very way. But, I'm reminded that what goes around, comes around... and respect, love, esteem, loyalty, affection and kindness is the kinda stuff I want coming around.

So recently, I did a "weed and feed" on my facebook friends list. I accepted that facebook has a different definition of "friend" than I do. And I love facebook for that very reason - because it gives me a chance to connect with and catch up on some of my other favorite people that I don't get to connect with and catch up on regularly. Hence, the conundrum. I have a facebook account so that I can foster relationships with people that I may not otherwise connect with, but they call those people "friends" and it's my "friends" who I already connect with in a personal way as it is! So, anyway, where was I...

Ah yes, so I did a little "weed and feed," meaning that I sought out some people I don't know real well on facebook and dug into their pages to get to know something interesting about them, then decided to leave comments or shoot them an email or somehow let them know that I care. And then I weeded out the people that were my facebook "friends" only because we knew each other. With these weeds, a line was crossed somewhere, somehow, by someone (sometimes it was by me, sometimes by them or sometimes by something else uncontrollable), and yet I felt like I had to be their facebook friends only because I know them. The people I deleted from my "friends" list were just random people that I used to know but don't know anymore and I felt like it was the right time to let go of the facebook tie. It was never anything personal, I never meant to be hurtful or rude or too proud or arrogant. I simply wanted to weed out some people that are not healthy relationships nor do they have the potential to become healthy relationships. No harm done, no foul play, no ugly words or accusations. Just a quiet delete from the invisible living room that can be facebook.

Unfortunately, I was confronted and questioned and that is why all this explaining had to be done. It has nothing to do with any persons who may have confronted me about "deleting them" - it has everything to do with me just getting this nonsense out of my system so that we can move onto more interesting things... like planning a summer BBQ party, like an upcoming dance recital for a certain 4 1/2 year old, like the next 5K which is finally only a month away, like the business plans I've been thinking long and hard about.

“In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

So, let's move on now. Horray!