When it rains

I'll let you in on a little secret... I'm seeing a shrink. Let's face it, we all have "issues" now, don't we? If you *aren't* in therapy, then something is definitely wrong with you - that's what I say! We won't go into the nitty gritty details about my therapy sessions, that would be plain stupid. Yes, blogging IS much cheaper than therapy, but there's a time and a place for everything, right?

Anyway, I was coming home from there last Thursday night, and while I was driving, I was having a little discussion with my Creator. I was thanking Him for some of the awesome things that I'm thankful for and my prayer turned into quite the conversation with myself. Because of the book, The Shack, (which I'm currently reading for a book study at church), I started thinking about having a unique relationship with God, and I like to think that I try to return the favor of... eh, you know, only my *salvation*. I've been trying really hard lately to turn every trial, every challenge, and every decision into an intentional effort to praise God. When I get frustrated, I try and find the lesson. When I feel elated, or carefree, I try to remember to give Him credit. When I suffer from an ache or pain or headache, I try and remember that it's not so bad... that it doesn't compare to the daily suffering of say.. a cancer patient, or (a more relevant example) being crucified.

I realized that no matter what good we do in the world, no matter who we give money to, or donate time to, or pray about, or wish for, no matter how hard we try - our efforts and desires will never compare to the gift Jesus gave us as he died on the cross. It sounds silly when I relate my thoughts in this way - I mean, obviously I could never be as good as Jesus, no matter how hard I try. But, to purposefully humble myself as I try and take hold of the very sacrifice God made for me, it put things into perspective pretty quickly.

I wrote last week about how completely comfortable I am lately. Things have just been working out. It's been easy peasy and happy-go-lucky. And I really have little to complain about when I remember the last few weeks.

So, on my way home from therapy last Thursday, I was talking to God and letting him know that I'm thankful and that the blessings have been noticed. I prayed that He help me grow closer to him, even if that meant challenges and trails ahead. I told Him about my desire to sacrifice things in order to learn and mature. I sort of prayed a ridiculous prayer asking God to "switch it up" in my life... to help me understand him better through the lessons he teaches me. It's almost embarrassing to admit that I actually prayed for my life to be a little less comfortable. Not because it's getting boring - quite the contrary actually! But, because I don't feel like I am paying enough attention to His daily work with me when I'm just soaking it up and taking it for granted.

Ugh, this post is a bit harder to write than I thought it would be... My audience is pretty well-rounded. I know of a few of you that might question my sanity here. If you're not a Christian, I realize that all of this might sound crazy and ridiculous to you. I'm not asking you to follow along, I'm just relating my experience... and if you're still reading - you must be at least intrigued.

So anyway, you get the picture. I just had a good hour with a therapist. I'm driving home. In the dark. Alone. Talking to God. And then talking to myself. And remembering all the good things. My family. My friends. My faith. Our finances. Our church. Our health. And I start to realize that I've been taking a ton for granted. I started wondering how much God is doing that I don't even see and appreciate. And I ask God to help me know him better. And I tell him I'm ready to re-commit. That I'm not wanting to take so much for granted anymore. That I'm listening. And ready for anything ... ready to listen. That if he needs to send me through a trial, a challenge, a sacrifice, that I'm ready and willing - because I know he'll never ask anything of me that I can't handle. He loves me. A lot. And I want to show him that I can listen and learn and grow and love him, too.

And then?

I hit a deer.
(to be continued...)